88 Reasons why it's good being a suit of Armour
by Snoring Tiger
Summary: With Alphonse being in a suit of armour, he has lots of chances to do things we ordinary humans can't. This is a list of advantages to being a suit of armour, as Al needs some credit!
1. Chapter 1

**1. Alphonse makes a great storage place**

"Gah, there's no room here! How will all my stuff fit in this apartment?" Havoc complained, rubbing his neck and looking around at the small one bedroom apartment he was currently moving into. Only just then did he realise that the ratio of all of his stuff to the actual room was out of proportion.

Edward laughed at the poor man (he and Alphonse were invited to help move him in).

"Poor you Havoc." Alphonse said sympathetically to the old man, who was breathing hard on his cigarette and sighing.

"If I had any boxes it would be fine, but I don't so there's no room. But I love all my stuff, I don't want to throw any out." Havoc whined before remembering one important detail. "Hey, you two are alchemists right? Make me a box!" He declared.

Alphonse shook his head. "There aren't any materials here to turn into a box if you said you didn't want to lose any of it. I can't help."

Edward snorted. "Besides, last time I checked, I'm about three ranks higher than you, I don't take orders from someone below me. If anything, _you _should be licking my feet."

Havoc stared in annoyance at him. "Since when were you one to follow the chain of command?"

Alphonse intervened before it could turn into an argument. "There's no point fighting about this if we can't make any storage space. Havoc, are you sure there's nothing you want to get rid of?"

Havoc nodded his head wildly. "I've had these magazines for ages! I'm not getting rid of them! They taught me how to get a girlfriend, even if it doesn't work. They're like a part of my soul~!" Conveniently just then a ray of light came through the window and shone in Havoc's direction.

"Well, me and Al have more important things to do. Bye." Edward walked out of the apartment, Alphonse following.

"Bye Ed, Al...Al...WAIT!" Havoc shouted, making both of them turn around, Edward in annoyance.

Havoc began twiddling his thumbs. "Alphonse, how would you like to stay round tonight to help me? Edward, you can still go research, I just need some help."

Alphonse nodded. "Okay! Brother, don't give me that face, I can stick up for myself and leave if he annoys me. I'll see you tomorrow." Edward only shrugged his shoulders and left.

* * *

When Edward came round the next day to check on his brother, he found Alphonse sitting on the floor.

"Hey brother! Look, I have a new purpose!" Alphonse opened his chest plate and inside him was a stack of magazines. "Havoc's paying me one thousand cens a week to be a storage item for him. It felt weird at first, but now I'm used to it."

Edward only stared at his brother for a few seconds before turning a dark shade of red and screaming "HAVOC YOU JERK!"

* * *

_This is my new list, 88 reasons why it's a good thing to be a suit of armor. Edward got a list, so now Alphonse gets one too, it's only fair. This is the first chapter, the rest will be updated daily, but in the new year after all of my bloody exams are out of the way._

_Speaking of which, my other stories will be updated again in the new year, unless I find time to write new chapters._

_Oh, and if you correctly tell me why it's 88 ways, you get a special mentioning ^^_

_Review to tell me if I'm doing good? :3_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	2. Chapter 2

**2. Alphonse can reach put the angel on the Christmas tree without assistance.**

"Wow...the Christmas tree looks so beautiful," Al whispered in awe as he and Edward walked into Mustang's office on the 21st of December. Mustang and his crew had put up a 6 and a half foot Christmas tree and covered it in white, red, gold and silver tinsel and added blue baubles along with some gold fairy lights. It truly was a beautiful (and blinding) tree to gaze at, and Alphonse felt he could look at it for ages.

"Nice colour choice for the tinsel," Edward noted. Mustang only nodded his head as a response. The rest of the crew got up from their work and stood next to the boys.

"It was hard to decorate, but definitely worth it," Fuery told the two boys. Edward didn't really care much for the tree, and because he was tired he walked over to one of the sofas in the room, lied down on it and tried to take a nap. Alphonse however continued to admire the handiwork of the team.

"Hey, aren't you missing the angel?" Alphonse asked, pointing at the top of the tree, which indeed did not have an angel occupying it. "Why not? It's essential for a Christmas tree to have an angel on it. I don't know why, but it makes it feel more festive and meaningful to have an angel, like it's watching over all of us," Alphonse explained to the sceptical looks he got. Edward let out a soft snort from where he lay.

"Well truth be told, none of us can actually reach high enough to put it on, even when standing on a chair," Havoc told the armour, a small trace of a smile evident on his lips, "And to be honest, we didn't really want to ask Major Armstrong for help, the tree is sparkly enough as it is without his help." All of the crew laughed at this comment.

"Ooh, I know! Why don't I put the angel on top?" Alphonse asked the group,"I'm tall enough and besides, when I was younger Ed was always the one to put the angel on the tree." Edward was currently passed out so he could neither agree nor disagree with this statement.

"Sure," Riza approved, "But you'll have to transmute one yourself. Ours...had a little accident." She pointedly glared at Mustang, who put his hands up in defence.

"Hey, our angel looked so bad I did the world a _favor _by destroying the abomination," Mustang claimed. Breda grinned.

"Sure you did, and you didn't mistake it for a moth or anything like that," Breda commented.

"SHUT UP!"

While that fight was going on, Alphonse had collected various empty notebooks and placed them on the floor with some white and gold cloth before he clapped his gloved hands and transmuted an angel the perfect size for the top of the tree. It had a cardboard structure, and it wore a white dress with gold hair and a halo. Alphonse delicately picked it up from the floor and placed it on the tree without knocking it over. All of the occupants in that room (minus Ed) 'Oohed' and 'Aahed' at the tree.

"Now it looks complete," Riza smiled. Everyone nodded and just looked at the tree in a comfortable silence.

Edward woke up two minutes later before standing next to Alphonse and smiling at the (seizure-enduring) bright tree before saying

"Hey, why are we celebrating Christmas? Hell, we're not even religious!" Alphonse hit his brother on the head.

"Oh shut up and enjoy the moment."

* * *

_This is my equivalent of a Christmas Special. I won't have internet until next year starting tomorrow, so to all my readers and reviewers:_

_HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY AND NEW YEAR!_

_Seriously though, thank you all so much for all the support I've gotten from your guys, I give you all virtual gingerbread men!_

_-AEW Alchemist_

_P.S Please vote on my poll! :P _


	3. Chapter 3

**3. He can do a...unique magic show**

It was the day of Elysia's third birthday, and Maes Hughes had thrown a birthday party for his (and to quote him) 'my little perfect darling angel'. The parents were sipping glasses of champagne and talking with one another while all of Elysia's friends were playing party games and having fun. Suddenly Maes walked into the room with Alphonse Elric walking behind him.

"Look! It's big big brother," Elysia cheered with joy. All of the other kids just looked at Alphonse like he was an alien.

"All right, settle down," Hughes told the hyper children (they all had big slices of cake), "This is Alphonse, and he's going to show you some amazing magic tricks. Isn't that wonderful?~" Only the adults noticed Maes slip a wad of notes into Alphonse's armour, with Alphonse muttering "Sorry about the money, it's the only way Ed would let me do this. He doesn't like me showing off this body."

Alphonse walked to the kids and turned so that he was facing all of the kids and waved at all of them. He was met with a stony silence and weird looks.

"Hello, I'm Alphonse. Nice to meet you all," He introduced himself. "How many of you can push your finger into your hand? Don't test it though!" He hastily shouted once he saw one snotty-nosed kid trying to push his finger into his hand. The kid stopped and looked at Alphonse. Alphonse then slowly pushed his right pinky into the gloved hand, so to the children it really did look like his pinky was going into his hand.

"I've had, er, lots of training, yeah!" Alphonse made up a lie for the kids on the spot, "So don't try what I'll do next okay?" Alphonse removed his left foot from the led and showed it to the children.

"Wow, how do you do that?" A small girl asked Alphonse in awe. Alphonse only lightly giggled as a response.

"You want to see what else is cool? This!" Alphonse re-connected his foot before reaching up and spinning his helmet around so the helmet was facing backwards. All the grown-ups gasped at the thought that he had dislocated his own neck, and grabbed up their children and leaving the party. Alphonse turned to Hughes and asked him "What did I do?"

Hughes only glared at Alphonse before replying "You only ruined my daughter's birthday party is all! Come one Elysia, let's go before he ruins it any more." Maes grabbed Elysia's hand and almost went out of door before saying "Hey this is my house, you get out!"

"But Hughes!" Alphonse protested, "You asked me to do the magic-"

"I SAID OUT!"

* * *

_Psh, if Al came to my b-day party to do that it would be so cool! Dumb parents..._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	4. Chapter 4

**4. It makes a very dramatic sob story**

"Hey Alphonse," Riza greeted Alphonse as he walked into the office to pick up his brother from work. "Edward's just having a meeting with the Colonel, so he'll be in there for a while. Care to wait here?"

"Is this the famed Alphonse Elric, younger brother of the Fullmetal Alchemist?" A certain glittery occupant of the military who was standing up and leaning on the back wall asked. He started to give Al a bear hug, running towards the suit of armor.

"YOUNG ELRIC, HOW I HAVE WANTED TO MEET YOU!" The unusually..._large_ human boomed to Alphonse, "MY NAME IS MAJOR ALEX LUIS ARMSTRONG, PLEASED TO MEET YOU! TELL ME, IS THE STORY OF YOU TRUE?"

"Er, what story?" Alphonse hesitantly asked, pushing himself completely out of the hug. Armstrong stared at the suit of armour in ways which made Al uncomfortable in more ways than he could possibly imagine.

"Why the story of you having an ugly face so you hide your whole body in shame of course! All of Headquarters is talking about it!"

"Wha-that's not true!" Alphonse cried in disbelief. Riza interrupted the two of them.

"Don't worry, we can trust each other. You can tell him if you want to Al," Riza told the boy. Alphonse nodded.

"Well, err, after a transmutation that didn't go as we planned it to, my body was taken in terms of Equivalent Exchange. My brother gave up his right arm for my soul. Now, I am a suit of armour with only my brother for family, as my mother sadly passed away and our father abandoned us," Alphonse vaguely tried to explain as much as possible. To his concern he saw that the Major had burst into great rivers of tears and was throwing petals of roses at the armoured feet. Also...

"Are you sparkling?" Alphonse weakly asked the muscled man. The bear-man responded with wrapping his arms as tightly as he could around the suit of armour.

"YOUNG ELRIC, YOUR TALE OF WOE IS THE SADDEST I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE! SO DEPRESSING! IT MUST BE TERRIBLE BEING A SUIT OF ARMOUR, YOU MUST BE AFFLICTED BADLY! I PROMISE NO-ONE ELSE WILL HEAR YOUR TALE! I SHALL KEEP YOUR STORY A SECRET!" To Alphonse's dismay, Armstrong handed him his shirt before walking out of the office.

"Well...seems that you and Armstrong are well acquainted now," Riza commented.

* * *

'_Cos I keep forgetting, here are the people who have guessed why 88: RenOfAmestris, ELOSSS Alchemist, mshaly and Fluffy Pinkness. To the people still guessing, have fun! :P_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	5. Chapter 5

**5. He is are amazing at acting**

"Fullmetal I don't want to hurt your feelings or anything, but Alphonse is going to do your next mission," Mustang told the Elric brothers, "you see, we feel that he has more skill than you do in this...certain area. You wouldn't be able to do it."

"What the hell, why? I can handle missions!" Edward complained. Alphonse cut in:

"I don't mind, what is it?"

Edward pouted at his brother's words and walked out of the room before slamming the door behind him. Mustang and Alphonse could both hear him shout "AT LEAST I'M NOT USELESS IN THE RAIN!" through the door. Alphonse turned to Mustang, and Mustang couldn't help but smirk, even if the words were indeed true.

"What do you want me to do Sir?" Alphonse asked.

Mustang only grinned an evil grin at the boy.

* * *

The military performance of Romeo and Juliet was about to begin. The actor playing Romeo (Mustang), was confronting the Juliet.

"So, can you pull of a woman's voice Al?" Mustang confronted a suit of armour who was currently wearing a long blonde woman's wig along with a pink puffy dress which went down to his ankles. Mustang was originally intending to put make-up over the armour, but he decided against it due to the fact Al needed some man-pride at the moment.

"I'll be fine, it's just...well, do I really have to wear a dress?"

"Of course, otherwise you'd look silly. Now it's time to go on!" Mustang walked onto the stage saying "Juliet, Juliet, where art thou Juliet?"* Alphonse assumed that was his cue to go on.

"Oh my Romeo! How I love thee with the burning passion of a thousand suns!" Alphonse said as high pitched as possible, running to hug Mustang as best as he could. One laugh, and one laugh alone could be heard throughout the room after this.

"THANK GOD MUSTANG THOUGHT I COULDN'T DO THAT!"

"Well, the Juliet looks funny but I can't hear her giggle or see her smile," where whispers going through the audience, "she's a pretty good actress!"

"THAT'S IT MUSTANG!" Alphonse cried, pulling off the dress and wig, still speaking in the high-pitched voice. "I can't live a lie any more! I am actually a dude!" He ran off the stage in fake bursts of tears.

Some people thought he was acting and was part of the script and were deeply impressed.

Because of this he was voted the military's best actress for three years straight.

And yes, actress is not a typo on my behalf.

* * *

_*Psh, you expect me to know what they really said in Romeo and Juliet? The answer to that is no._

_This chapter is just teasing Al because 2 of his 3 voice actors are girls :P Also I'm hyper XD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	6. Chapter 6

**6. Al can't get a damn throat infection **

"Al...Al...Al!" Edward weakly shouted from the comfort of his bed. Alphonse rushed into the room in a panic.

"Is everything alright brother? What's wrong?" Alphonse asked in a state of panic. Edward, frowning, pointed to his throat.

"My froat 'urts," Edward explained. Alphonse gasped in shock, being the protective little brother he was.

"But how brother?" Alphonse asked, "You never get sick! Will you be able to go into work?" Edward shook his head and dove under the covers. Under the covers Alphonse could hear a loud hacking noise. Alphonse whipped the covers of Edward and saw that he was just coughing. Edward glared at his brother before grabbing them and diving under them. He must've really not felt well because he began whimpering like a small puppy.

"Ure dam luky yu canmt getssikk (You're damn lucky you can't get sick)," Edward whimpered from under the covers. After Alphonse mentally translated that sentence, he sympathetically patted his brother on the back.

"I'll make you some chicken soup then you can sleep brother," Alphonse gushed to his brother, running out of the room as fast as he could to heal his brother quicker.

"Poor brother," Alphonse muttered to himself, "I guess I am lucky I can't get throat infections."

* * *

_If you have a throat infection now, HIGH FIVE!_

_Yeah, this wasn't funny. I know. It'll be better tomorrow, I promise._

_Party Poison Alchemist also guessed why 88 so congrats ^^_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	7. Chapter 7

**7. You can literally take a part of him with you**

"Oh Alphonse-sammaa," Mei whined to the suit of armour, "I don't want to leave you! Do you really have to go to Briggs without me?" Alphonse had to go to Briggs to reunite with his brother and to pool their information together for the Promised Day which was slowly approaching.

"Of course I do!" Alphonse replied, "Besides, I want you to stay here so you don't get hurt. I wouldn't want you to get hurt because of me Mei, so can you please wait for me to come back?"

"Squeee! Al-sama, you're so sweet worrying! How princely! But I don't want to be left behind," Mei complained. Alphonse took her face into his armoured hands.

"Mei, you know I love you," Alphonse told the girl. Mei held his left glove in her own left hand.

"Squeeeeee! Hey I have an idea which'll make me feel better!" Mei tugged on the left glove, and after a few seconds she managed to pull the glove out of his arm. Alphonse began to panic.

"Mei, what have you done? Now I don't have a left hand!" Alphonse panicked. Mei only did puppy dog eyes to him while rubbing the glove over her right cheek.

"But this is the only way I'd be happy for you going without me!" Mei protested.

"But I use my hand for doing things like alchemy!" Alphonse pointed out. Mei began sniffing, using the glove to wipe away her crocodile tears.

"Fine...leave me in a state of worry over something as trivial as your safety, fine by me," Mei spoke into the hand, hiding her face. Alphonse looked at the (fake) crying girl before sighing.

"Okay fine, keep my hand," Alphonse grudgingly told the girl. Mei's eyes lit up.

"THANK YOU ALPHONSE-SAMA!" She ran up to him and glomped him.

* * *

"AL, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND!" Was the first thing Edward Elric said to his brother as they met. Alphonse looked down at the floor in nervousness.

"I, er, gave it away," he mumbled. Edward's eyes widened a little.

"You gave your own hand...away," Edward repeated. Alphonse nodded.

"I had to give it to Mei otherwise she wouldn't have let me come out here!" Alphonse explained quickly. Edward's face turned an amusing face of red.

"LET ME AT THAT BITCH! STEALING YOUR HAND, WHY I OUTTA KILL THAT BEAN!" Alphonse just restrained his brother and dragged him up to Briggs, him ranting the entire time.


	8. Chapter 8

**8. Al can choose what colour his armour can be**

"Being silver is such a boring colour," Alphonse sighed, looking at his armour in the mirror, "I want to change it. Don't you think so too brother?"

"Does it really matter Al?" Edward asked his younger brother, "All that matters is that you're alive. Besides, I'll get you outta that armour soon anyway, so just wait till you get your body back!"

Alphonse looked at his reflection in the mirror and sighed.

"I guess you're right brother," Alphonse murmured.

* * *

Alphonse walked back into the dorm room carrying a suspicious looking tin while his brother was still at work. He set the tin on the table before transmuting it open. He Double checked the dorm to make sure Edward wasn't in the dorm. Looking down at the tin of gold paint once he was sure he was on his own, he clapped his hands and after transmuting the gold to dry on his armour quickly, Alphonse now was a gold walking suit of armour with flames on his shoulders.

Just then Edward walked into the room.

"Alphonse, what have I told you about getting a different colour? And to do it behind my back!" Edward accused Alphonse, wagging his finger at him like a strict mother would, "You're still too young to decide what's best for you!"

"But old brother, I can make my own decisions in life!" Alphonse replied back like a rebellious teenager. "It's my body not yours, I can choose to do what I like to it!"

Edward went bug-eyed for a second before calming down and pointing at t heir shared dorm room. "You better go straight to your room now Mister."

Alphonse sighed dramatically.

"FINE I WILL!" He shouted, slamming the bedroom door behind him. When he was out of ear-shot, Edward face-palmed, muttering "Stupid kids these days, thinking they know stuff. How humorous."

* * *

_Aw, parental Ed, don'tcha love him? XD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	9. Chapter 9

**9. Al can make extremely awkward social situations that you could only dream of doing.**

_**(Warning: One F-Bomb is dropped in this chapter)**_

"Al, isn't there any way you can be less awkward when we're out in public?" Edward asked his brother. "I mean, I know you're body isn't human, but please can you try?"

"I haven't been _that _bad!" Alphonse protested.

"Yes you have, and this joint-flash back we'll conveniently have together at the same point in time will prove what I mean." There was a faint flash of purple light, and they were both watching past memories.

* * *

"Hello you guys!" Ling from a random window greeted Ed and AL.

"What are you doing here you squinty...person!" Edward shouted, being caught off guard by the Xingese prince.

"Sorry, it's my style," Ling shrugged, "I can't help it!"

"Have you found any more information on the Stone?" Alphonse asked him. Ling shook his head.

"No me, Lan-Fan and Fu haven't found anythi-what are you doing Al?"

Alphonse was currently rubbing up and down his chest plate.

"Brother? Can you oil my chest plate please? It's starting to rust," Alphonse explained to his brother. Edward only laughed at Ling's reaction to those words.

* * *

"So Fullmetal, I see you and your brother were successful on your mission," Mustang commented as the two boys walked into the room.

"Gah, shut up bastard," Edward complained, "I'm sure we'll find it so-"

CLANK-CLINK

"Oh for goodness sake not again!" Alphonse cried, bending down to pick up his arm which had recently fallen out of its port.

"Hey Fullmetal! Alphonse is shedding! Maybe he's slowly getting his body back, piece by piece!" Mustang exclaimed before laughing. After Mustang finished laughing (alone), an awkward silence filled the office.

* * *

"See Al?" Edward told his brother, "I was right-Fuck. You've got to be kidding, not again."

Alphonse nodded.

His same arm had fallen out of the socket again.


	10. Chapter 10

**10. You are a concierge without meaning to be**

"This desert...so hot...this desert's hotter than two chimera's mating in a boiler room*," Edward panted as he and Alphonse trudged through the hot desert between Risembool and Xerxes.

"Brother, it's not too much further away...I think I can see it from here!" Alphonse pretended to look in the distance, but alas his attempts at cheering up his brother weren't working.

"But the sun...so hot...wah," Edward whimpered as he fell face first into the sandy sand. Alphonse sighed and bent down to pick his brother up. When Alphonse was standing fully upright, holding his brother bridal-style Edward squirmed and jumped down.

"Al don't worry about me, I can walk by myself," Edward told Alphonse, picking up his suitcase from the floor.

"Well at least let me carry your suitcase," Alphonse insisted, snatching it from his older brother's hands.

"Well okay if you think that'll help..." Edward muttered.

Indeed it did. Edward was literally running (as best as one can on sand) across the desert and much sooner than they both anticipated they were by the ruins of Xerxes.

"Brother, what do you keep in here?" Alphonse asked in bewilderment after tossing the suitcase casually to his brother, who fell on the floor once catching it.

'Bet it's his hair-care products,' Alphonse thought.

* * *

_* An awesome quote from the game Fullmetal Alchemist and the Curse of the Crimson Elixir._

_You know in episode 1 of FMA Ed's like, dying, and he's still carrying his suitcase? I was like 'WTF? Why doesn't Al carry it? Oh well._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	11. Chapter 11

**11. ...TAXI!**

"It's just pouring rain out there like there's no tomorrow," Breda noted, looking out of the window.

"Yeah, it's raining cats and dogs*," Fuery commented. Alphonse ran over to the window to see if it was literal.

"Aww, not really," Alphonse sighed, being the animal lover he was, he wanted to see the fluffy little critters at any opportunity (even if they were falling from the sky apparently).

Fuery also sighed.

"How am I meant to get home in this weather? I promised my girlfriend I'd cook dinner for her!" Fuery complained. A quiet tortured moan/scream could be heard from a disbelieving looking Havoc.

"Even Specs has a girlfriend..." He was muttering. Everyone ignored him though.

"What am I going to do?" Fuery moaned.

Alphonse had a genius idea.

* * *

"And you turn to the left down this road," Fuery told Alphonse while sitting inside his armour. Fuery was peeking out of Alphonse's helmet so he could navigate where they were going. Alphonse obeyed Fuery and ran down that street, considering he didn't want to rust.

"I'm sorry Alphonse, you're so kind," Fuery said.

"Err, I would say no problem, but it feels weird having you inside me," Alphonse replied, stopping outside a block of flats. "Is this it?"

Fuery nodded as he crawled out of the armour and ran to the door.

"Thanks Al, you're a great taxi!" Fuery shouted as he opened the door and ran inside to shelter himself from the rain.

"He had to say taxi...not friend, taxi," Alphonse moped, walking back to the dorms.

* * *

_* My Swedish friend just learnt this saying, it was so fun hearing her say it ^^ _

_Aww, poor Al!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	12. Chapter 12

**12. Great place to hide things.**

"Colonel, what are you doing...," Alphonse hesitantly asked a Colonel who was bent over his desk scribbling something manically.

"Is Hawkeye with you?" Mustang quietly whispered so Al could just hear him.

Alphonse replied, "No why? Is it bad?" Mustang motioned for Alphonse to go to his desk, and when he did he saw that Mustang had a small black box on his desk.

"What's inside the box?"

Mustang opened the box and inside it were multiple pictures of Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye...with scribbled moustaches and monocles on her face. Mustang in one picture drew a parrot on her shoulder, in another gave her gun earrings and on one small picture drew a heart around her face. But for the most part her face had a bunch of scribbles on it.

"It is very important she doesn't find this," Mustang whispered to the armour, "This is my way of relieving stress. I don't hate Hawkeye, but you gotta admit it's fun doodling on people's faces, especially if you know them," Mustang explained. Footsteps could be heard approaching the office, and Mustang began to panic.

"Crap, what if it's Hawkeye?"

While Mustang was panicking and looked like a choking goldfish, Alphonse calmly picked up the box and lifted his head up, placing the box inside his armour. Just then Edward stamped into the room, making Mustang let go of a breath he didn't even know he was holding. Edward stared funny at his superior.

"Why were you holding your breath you bastard?" He asked. Mustang calmly reached in a draw before taking out a bunch of pictures of Edward which had doodles on them. A common trait in all of them were stink lines, glasses and a monobrow, but they all had an extra little design on them (for example, one had Edward with all the teeth scribbled out).

"Why I was merely wondering what you think of my doodles on your face Fullmetal," Mustang calmly responded, offering some to the boy, "Care to look?" Instantly Edward began screaming in an incoherent language.

'I don't know what's scarier-Ed's shouting or how Mustang has so many pictures of his subordinates!' Alphonse thought to himself, slowly walking out of the room, with the box still inside him.

* * *

Alphonse was so good at hiding stuff he didn't even realise the box was inside him until Scar blew it up along with a part of armour.

Not only getting his armour ruined was bad though- Hawkeye and Mustang were investigating the crime scene.

And she found the box.

* * *

_I know that it's kinda OOC for Mustang to doodle on the Lieutenant's face, but think of it as him doodling is the reason HQ never blew up xD how else would he do all the paperwork?_

_-AEW Alchemist _


	13. Chapter 13

**13. You could be a new superhero.**

"Oh no! The depressed clowns with guns are coming our way!" A lady who ran from the outskirts of the city was shouting. On her way from the library, she saw said depressed clowns with guns and decided the best course of action would be to shout it out loud.

"Where's the Flame Alchemist?" A man shouted in panic.

"He's in Central!" Another man shouted back, running around in circles.

"The depressed clowns are coming closer! SOMEONE, DO SOMETHING!" The same lady shouted, "SAVE US!"

Just as she screamed this, two footsteps could be heard approaching the city. All the people cheered.

"It's the Armour Alchemist!" They cheered. "He'll save us!"

One of the two owner's of the footsteps began to boil in rage.

"AL, I'M THE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST! _**FULLMETAL ALCHEMSIT! **_IT'S MY JOB TO SAVE PEOPLE!"

"Sorry brother! All I did was save a cat from a tree, and now I'm a superhero!" Alphonse desperately replied to his brother.

"Shut up shrimp!," a townsman shouted, "Let the Armour Alchemist sort out the depressed clowns!"

By now, Alphonse was running towards the clowns. With one swift clapping motion, and slam to the floor, Alphonse had put all seven depressed clowns with guns in a cage. Alphonse went up to the cage and snatched the guns away from the clowns, even as they were shooting him.

"Guns won't work on me," Alphonse calmly told them, "My name is the Armour Alchemist for a reason you know." With another clap to the ground, he gave all seven of them handcuffs while keeping them in the large cage. Just then a military car pulled up, and Maes Hughes stepped out the car along with some foot soldiers. Hughes then ordered his men to arrest the depressed clowns, which they did so instantly.

"You saved us all! Thank you so much!" The people of the town cheered Alphonse, while he laughed awkwardly. Just then Edward started to get slightly pissed off.

"WHAT THE HELL? WHY CAN'T YOU APPRECIATE ME! I'M THE FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST, I WAS THE ONE WHO WOULD SAVE YOU FROM RANDOM SHIZZLE LIKE DEPRESSED CLOWNS! ME!"

"Who?" A little girl asked him. Edward then sighed and went under a tree to mope. Hughes went and clapped Alphonse on the back.

"Thanks Al, if it wasn't for your armour who knows what those depressed clowns would of done to us! I'll do the paperwork now, see you!" Hughes went in the car and drove off. After a while the townspeople left too, sure that they'd treasure the Armour Alchemist in their hearts forever.

Screw the Fullmetal Alchemist.

* * *

_Depressed clowns with guns and Hughes and Mustang living in the opposite places? Yup, it's a crack one-shot! I've been kinda crying today, so I don't know why it's a happy fic...strange._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	14. Chapter 14

**14. It's easy to spy on people.**

"Brother, I thought you were against using my armour for your own political gain," Alphonse sulked as he hid his head behind some books on the bookshelf in Colonel Mustang's bookshelf.

"Oh I am," Edward nodded, "But this is for revenge-completely different things," Edward justified. Alphonse just sighed as he walked out of the room before crashing into the door. Edward grabbed his brother's hand and pulled him out before Mustang returned to his office from lunch.

* * *

"So...Lieutenant, care to give me a break anytime soon?" Mustang asked Riza with a smirk dancing on his lips. Alphonse would have sighed if he didn't want to give his appearance away. For the last hour or so Mustang had just been doing his paperwork with Riza watching him carefully. He was extremely bored. And this was the third time in ten minutes he had asked for a break.

"Well that depends...have you done twenty submission forms?" Riza coolly asked back. Mustang only gave her a look that plainly read 'Are you freaking kidding me?'

"Err...that depends," He smirked. Riza only smiled back.

"Well, I guess you deserve a treat for working hard," She slowly said, making her way over to Mustang's chair, and giving him a shoulder massage. Mustang was nearly purring in delight* at this. Mustang then tilted his head up to look at her face.

"You're looking rather ravishing today Lieutenant ," he mumbled before his lips met hers.

'MAKE THIS STOP.' Alphonse shouted to himself mentally, 'IF I SEE THIS I CAN'T EVER NOT SEE IT AGAIN! OH GOODNESS, NOT THE COLONEL AND LIEUTENANT. I CAN NEVER SEE THEM IN THE SAME WAY AGAIN...what are they doing? OH GOD NO!'

* * *

A few hours later, after Mustang had already left his office, Edward broke into the office, and after a couple of minutes of searching, picked up his brothers head and spoke to it.

"So...did you see or hear anything interesting Al?" Edward asked. A groan and a few incoherent mumbles could be heard before Alphonse replied.

"I saw some stuff alright...and heard some stuff too..."

* * *

_*Yes, I know he's not a cat...but people can purr can't they?_

_ROYAI! I haven't written any in ages!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	15. Chapter 15

**15. Can conduct electricity**

"Oh damnit," Mustang cursed, as his office room suddenly went pitch black. It was six in the afternoon, and Mustang, Edward and Alphonse were having a meeting.

"Goddammit Mustang, next time you're gonna be cheap make sure it's on something less important!" Edward scolded his boss.

"What do we do now?" Alphonse asked Edward (he was still awkward with talking to Mustang or Riza).

"Dunno," Edward said back. All three of them sat in the room in silence when suddenly there was a crash of thunder and a bright light of lightning outside.

"HAH! RAIN!" Edward cheered before smirking at Mustang, "I mean, haha you can't go out in it bastard, but what if Al goes out?"

"What do you mean Fullmetal?"

"Yeah, what do you mean brother?" Alphonse defensively asked. Edward grabbed his brother and pushed him so his head was out the window. Edward then reached for some wires and made Alphonse hold them by the point on his helmet.

"Do you really think this will work brother?" Alphonse asked wearily. Just then there was a crash of lightning. Alphonse started to shake and soon there was some light in the light bulb.

"Huzzah!" Alphonse cheered.

* * *

"Brother can I come in yet?" Alphonse asked. They soon discovered that the light only stayed for a couple of minutes, so Alphonse would need to keep his head out the window until the meeting was over.

"Soon Al, but I need to convince this bastard why threatening by-standers is positive to our community," Edward called to his younger sibling.

"No it's not Fullmetal."

"Is too!" Edward whined like a child.

"Is not."

"Is too!"

"IS NOT!"

"IS TOO!"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE, PICK ALREADY!" Alphonse roared (he didn't like shouting). Both stayed quiet for a second before Mustang and Edward slowly nodded their head.

Then the room went dark because the lightning had stopped.

"DAMN THIS DAY TO HECK!" Alphonse moaned loudly.

* * *

_Okay...stretching reality here. But you guys don't mind, right?_

_Good!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	16. Chapter 16

**16. Can't be blackmailed with tickling**

"So..." Fuery mumbled awkwardly after Alphonse walked in on him smashing up a radio station with a hammer.

"Fuery, what are you doing?" Alphonse asked. Fuery sheepishly smiled.

"Well, this is the new type of radio we're meant to have...but I don't like it," Fuery mumbled. Alphonse looked at him before letting go of an (un-needed) sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness, now you can't threaten to tell Edward that I was the one who made his coat pink as a joke," Alphonse sighed, "Now that can stay a secret."

Fuery looked at Alphonse. "No...I should tell him. Because he'll get more angry at you than the Führer will at me," Fuery explained. Alphonse tried to glare at the man.

"You wouldn't dare," Alphonse mumbled. Fuery grinned.

"Would too. Anyway, if you tell people that I have an alibi for not being here smashing up the radio, I won't tell Edward about his coat," Fuery blackmailed Alphonse. Alphonse shook his head.

"No can do Fuery," He explained. Fuery thought for a second before going up to the suit of armour and tickling the arm, saying "I'll tickle you until you squeal like a girl!"

Alphonse only shrugged his shoulders.

A FEW HOURS LATER

"You're...not ticklish are you?" Fuery asked, relentlessly tickling the armour. Alphonse shook his head.

"Besides, even if I was, how would my body feel it through the armour?*" Alphonse then lifted the man up and put Fuery down away from him.

"Hahah, you can't blackmail me with tickling, but I can tell everyone you tried~" Alphonse sang, walking out the room.

* * *

_*This is set before Fuery finds out about his real body._

_C'mon, you really think Specs is as innocent as he acts? –evil face-_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	17. Chapter 17

**17. Can reach the top shelf**

Alphonse walked into Central Library and saw a strange sight. Edward had balanced three chairs on top of each other, five world atlases and a coffee mug on top of each other and was trying to reach the very top shelf for a book. Unfortunately, gravity disagreed with his logic, and Alphonse made it just in time to catch his falling brother while the books around him thudded loudly onto the floor.

"Brother! What were you doing that for?" Alphonse whisper-scolded his brother, remembering that he was in a library. Edward began to blush and mumbled something.

"What was that?" Alphonse asked.

"I couldn't reach the top shelf," Edward whispered angrily, squirming out of his brother's hands. "There's a book I want to read but I can't reach it."

"Why didn't you use the ladder?" Alphonse innocently asked his brother.

"Because it wasn't tall enough," Edward grumbled, intensely staring at a spot of dust on the floor. Alphonse sighed.

"Fine. I'll get it for you brother, just tell me the title of the book,"

"_Ways to slightly annoy your sibling," _Edward sheepishly replied, blushing. Alphonse tried his best to roll his eyes, and what he got was a brief red light show (his red eye thingys).

"Fine, but as long as I get to use it on you," Alphonse demanded as he reached for the book and brought it down with only going on his left pointed toe for one second.

"Thanks Al!" Edward thanked his brother, "You've been quite useful lately!"

"I haven't been before?" Alphonse whined.

* * *

When Edward woke up the next morning, he found that his sneaky little brother had put him on the top shelf in the morning. Next to him there was a note written courteous Alphonse:

_Don't worry, I'll pick you up from the library in a couple of hours. And yes, this was one of the ways in the book._

* * *

_Tomorrow there won't be an update-I know I didn't say anything a few days ago, but I just wanted to tell you ^^_

_Until then, enjoy a virtual cookie: (::)_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	18. Chapter 18

**18. He can be an inspiration for dieters everywhere**

"Hello," the owner of the local bakery welcomed Edward and Alphonse as they entered the shop, "Is there anything that I can interest you in today?" Edward, with his eyes glued on the rack of cakes, pointed at each and every cake, pulling out his pocket watch so he'd get a discount*. Alphonse sighed and paid the bewildered baker before moving to a table for two at the back of the shop. Edward immediately snatched a chocolate éclair and slammed it into his mouth and began chewing wildly. A slightly curvy teenage girl walked over to the table.

"Is he okay?" She asked Alphonse curiously, pointing at Edward. Edward just ignored her and carried on munching on the pastries. Alphonse sighed at the sight of seeing his brother's usual pristine white gloves covered in multiple colours of sugary goodness.

"Yeah, he's just a little bit hungry, this is his snack," Alphonse replied, "You should see how much he eats for one meal."

She stared bug-eyed at Edward for a few moments before patting her own slightly round-ish stomach. She then looked at Alphonse with a sparkle shining in her eyes.

"And you're not tempted to eat any of those cakes? Even though they're right in front of you?" She asked. Alphonse shrugged his shoulders.

"It's not that I don't want to, I just can't-"

"AHA!" She shouted, pointing at Alphonse, "A FELLOW DIETER! I shall now become your dieting rival, even though I don't know your name! To be able to watch this boy eat tons of cake right in front of you and not have any, I'll admit that's impressive. BUT I'LL BEAT THAT! I shall visit a chocolate factory and not even lick a piece! Until later, fellow dieter! I won't lose!~" She shouted, running out of the bakery. Alphonse just watched her run, feeling completely at a loss at what the hell just happened. Edward, noticing his brother looked up from his cake pile and wiped his mouth (which actually smudged the icing and what-not even more).

"Al...what just happened?" Edward asked.

"I think I just inspired a girl to go on a diet...just by watching you eat and not having any," Alphonse slowly replied. Edward looked thoughtful for a second before nodding his head.

"Yup, that would inspire anyone," Edward agreed.

* * *

_*I dunno, maybe this is one of the perks Mustang was talking about when offering Ed the job of State Alchemist...it would sure come in handy with his diet!_

_No offense to dieters (hell I'm on one) for this chapter!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	19. Chapter 19

**19. Great place to hide when your superior is looking for you.**

"FULLMETAL YOU GET BACK HERE OR ELSE I'LL GET VIOLENT!" Mustang shouted, storming through the corridors of Eastern HQ. Edward had turned in a doodle of two stickmen listing different ways of how the Colonel is useless for a report, which naturally Mustang didn't enjoy receiving.

"Oh crap he's pissed," Edward muttering, running past random secretaries and soldiers to escape from his superior. As he ran by Hughes' office, he stopped for a second before walking in to see Hughes working. He looked up from his paper work and smiled at Edward.

"Hey Edward," Hughes greeted him, "Want a place to hide from Roy?"

"How do you know?" Edward asked. Hughes chuckled.

"I can hear him from here, listen."

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU FULLMETAL? I'LL FRY YOUR SHRIMPY ASS!"

"I am not a shrimp!" Edward indigently stated.

"Whatever, hide in my closet for now, I'll sort out a way to get you out of HQ unseen," Hughes ushered Edward into the closet before shutting the door behind Edward.

"Hughes...either there's snow in here or it's really dusty," Edward complained.

LINE BREAK

"Hughes, have you seen Fullmetal?" Mustang thundered as he stormed in at lightning-fast speed into Hughes' office. Hughes looked up at Roy grinning, before seeing how angry Mustang looked.

"Err, not yet~, I'll tell you when I do!" Hughes replied. Edward, who could hear what was going on, never knew how much of a good liar Hughes was.

"Well tell me if you do, I need to, ah, have a _conversation_ with him," Mustang instructed Hughes. Just then there was a knock on the door, and Alphonse entered the room shyly.

"Excuse me, have you seen Edward?" Alphonse hesitantly asked after seeing Mustang's face.

"No not yet," Hughes replied carefully, "But why don't you get Edward's jacket from my closet while you're here? He left it in here last week." He hinted to Alphonse.

"He was wearing his jacket today, I saw it on him while he ran off," Mustang suspiciously stated. Hughes sighed before giving Mustang a scolding look.

"Did you ever consider it possible for him to have more than one pair of clothes?" Hughes scolded.

Meanwhile, Alphonse was opening the closet, and saw Edward in there.

"Brother, Hughes told me to come and rescue you," Alphonse whispered extra quietly to his brother, "So take off your jacket and hop in!" Alphonse quietly opened his chest plate. Edward gratefully smiled at his brother, taking off his jacket and crawled into the armour. Alphonse shut his armour and carried his jacket.

"Thanks Hughes," Alphonse interrupted them. Hughes smiled back. "No problem Al, and we'll tell you when we find Edward," Hughes easily lied. Edward couldn't help but snicker at Hughes' reliability. Mustang, ears of a bat, heard this.

"Al, what do you find so funny?" Mustang glared at the armour.

"Well, you see...er," He awkwardly shuffled.

"Are you trying to hide something from me?" Mustang threatened more than asked.

"Nope," Alphonse squeaked before running out the room shouting, "BROTHER HE'S ON TO US!"


	20. Chapter 20

**20. Hold your head behind your back to see if anything's on it.**

"If you co-operate and stay in this prison cell for twenty four hours, then I shall hear your case," Major General Olivier instructed the two Elric brothers before walking out of the room.

"Stupid crazy woman," Edward muttered dead quietly under his breath. Alphonse sighed.

"We still have to stay here," Alphonse reminded Edward, "We might as well just deal with it."

Edward heaved a big sigh. "Fine, I guess you're right."

There was silence in the prison cell for a few minutes before Edward pointed at Alphonse's back.

"Al, what the hell is that?" He cried. Alphonse began to panic.

"What is it? I can't see it!"

"It's just...I can't really explain it," Edward failed to describe the thing, "But seriously I don't wanna touch it."

"Oh I know what to do!" Alphonse exclaimed. He removed his helmet and held it in his hands and put them both behind his head.

"Stupid brother, there's nothing there," Alphonse scolded, "That really wasn't funny."

"Uh...yeah, my bad," Edward blatantly lied.


	21. Chapter 21

**21. Science fiction fans will be pleased with your existence**

As Alphonse was walking down the street to the bakery, he overheard two boys on a park bench debating about a topic very loudly and blatantly.

"Yeah like that could ever exist!" Alphonse heard the boy with brown hair and freckles on the bench retort to the other boy, "A suit of armour with a human soul. Psh! That is about as scientific as an elephant living in a desert!"

Alphonse, feeling that he had the right to eavesdrop after his very existence was being challenged, hid behind the corner of a building to hear more of what the two boys were saying.

"But people have been talking about it," The other boy (with black hair and glasses) whined back, "And if you think about it, it sounds like something out of one of those motion-picture movies which are recently coming out!"

"I still think sea-slugs are more realistic than a living suit of armour," the first boy stubbornly stated, making Alphonse feel envious of sea-slugs (_Yup ,it must be pretty bad if you're jealous of those critters_)

"Nah-uh,"

"Ya-huh!"

"Nah-uh!"

"Umm, excuse me?" Alphonse asked, walking over to the two boys. They both glared at him before realising he resembled a person wearing a suit of armour.

"Speak of the mother ship*," the brown haired boy mumbled.

"What do you want?" the other asked. Alphonse reached up and lifted his head off, showing the two boys the contents of his insides. Alphonse then put his head back on and continued walking to the grocery store.

The boys were left in a state of shock until the black hair boy shouted "Victory is mine! I told you they exist!"

"That was too coincidental," the first boy murmured. Watching Alphonse walk away, they both shouted  
"WE LOVE YOU MYSTERY METAL MAN! YOU'RE OUR HERO!"

* * *

_*I was trying to do a stereo-typical sci-fi fan here so I cut the swearing out and replaced it ^^_

_No offense to any sci-fi fans for this chapter, I love you all *hugs*_

_Oh and I have decided to rent the author's note out as advertising space to anybody who wants it (the charge being nothing)_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	22. Chapter 22

**22. A great ice-cream man in Summer**

The heat of the summer sun beat down harshly on all the occupants of Risembool. All the adults seeked coolness inside the shade of their own homes, and the kids daring enough to go outside sought refuge in the shade of trees.

"It's so damn hot!," Edward complained, lying down on the Rockbell's sofa, "Al, go get me some more water!"

"I've got it right here!" Alphonse opened his armour to reveal a cup of cool water with ice cubes un-melted in it. Edward took the glass and drank its contents (even the ice-cubes) in a few seconds before wiping his mouth.

"So cold," Edward mumbled before sitting upright to look at his brother, "Wait...how the hell did it stay so cold inside you?"

"I'm made of metal...maybe it's like a fridge, my body *," Alphonse pondered. Edward then got up from the sofa and in a couple of minutes came in carrying multiple boxes of ice-cream.

"It's not like I'm gonna have this," Edward explained, putting it inside his little brother's stomach, "It's made of milk. Give it to the kids outside."

"Wow, you're being so self-less," Alphonse stated in wonder before going on his mission: Delivering ice-cream to children.

* * *

"Hey brother!" Alphonse called as he entered the house with no ice-cream left. After a couple of hours he had found kids who were extremely grateful for the frozen containers of heaven.

"Hey Al!" Winry called to him, "We're just about to have desert! Come in if you want! Edward, could you get the ice-cream out from the fridge please?"

Realising that Edward had donated all of _Winry's _ice-cream, Alphonse ran straight upstairs to his bedroom, before something got seriously injured or someone got broken.

And yes, I do realize that last sentence doesn't sound too right.

* * *

_* Anime logic, gotta love it._

_You guys should go check out a cool FMA story called You Are The Moon, written by Hellocloser. Trust me, it's really good!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	23. Chapter 23

**23. You are invincible against Hawkeye when she is mad at you**

"_So...you mean to tell me that all of you, including the Elric brothers, didn't do your paperwork...to do _what_, if you care to remind me," Riza Hawkeye spoke in a creepily calm voice to all of Mustang's crew. Edward and Alphonse made a big deal out of sorting out papers on the floor, Fuery pretended to type in Morse Code to Briggs, Havoc and Breda diligently had to inspect some of the new rookie's offices at that moment in time and Falman just grabbed an apple, pulled out a chair and watched his two superior officers fight._

"_We, we, err," Mustang stammered before answering, "Having a paper battle."_

_Hawkeye narrowed her eyes in a displeased way._

"_And care to tell me _what _paper you were using for this battle of epic proportions?" She asked, sarcasm dripping in her voice. Mustang gulped._

"_...My paperwork."_

"_How do you expect to rise to the top when you _burn your paperwork because you thought it was going to bite you_!" Riza seethed in a hiss-voice._

"_Actually you had to be there to understand it," Alphonse began to chip in before noticing Hawkeye's pissed off aura and getting greatly involved in the papers on the floor again._

"_Colonel, I suggest you and all your men, even Ed and Al, _run_!" She instantly pulled out her gun and shot one round at the ceiling. Mustang squeaked and jumped out of his chair simultaneously and bolted for the door, screaming as he ran "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"_

_Edward and Alphonse shot up and, grabbing Fuery as they went, ran out of the room. Falman, who wasn't involved in the paper fight, took great delight in watching some of the most feared alchemists in Amestris scream like girls._

_

* * *

_

"_Found you boys!" Hawkeye shouted as she shot a round in Alphonse's direction._

"_YOU'LL NEVER KILL ME!" Alphonse shouted, holding his brother," FOR I AM INVINCIBLE TO YOUR ATTACKS! MUAHAHAHA!"_

"_Now!" Breda and Havoc shouted at the rookies in Central. Immediately they came out and shot blanks at Hawkeye who didn't even bat an eyelash at them. Instead she ran past the rookies and focussed on trying to defeat Alphonse's invincibility to her bullets._

* * *

"And that was the day all of Central HQ had a joint hide-and-seek game, where Hawkeye was the catcher," Alphonse finished his story to Elysia, who he was babysitting, "And also the day we managed to all get hyper."

* * *

_Crack fic...ahoy! xD_

_Two great stories to advertise here: 'Hijō ni amējingurēsu![A very Amazing Race]' written by the ELOSSS Alchemist, a FMA twist on the show The Amazing Race, and The Annihilation of the MarySue Brigade by Party Poison Alchemist. Go check both out :P_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	24. Chapter 24

**24. He can't stub his toe.**

"Hey Al-Ahh, shit!" Edward cursed as he accidently ran into the wall separating the kitchen in their dorm and the bedroom.

"Brother are you okay?" Alphonse cried in alarm, jumping up and running to where his older brother lay, clutching his left foot while yelping.

"Ouch, damn, damnit, crap, *censored*, *censored*, *censored*," Edward moaned while taking off his left boot and clutching his big toe. Edward took of his sock and saw that he cracked the toenail and that a small trickle of blood was emerging from it.

"Hey Al, can you get me a bandage?" Edward asked, but saw that his faithful younger brother was running back with a bundle of bandages. Alphonse quickly cut up one of the bandages and carefully wrapped it around Edward's toe.

"Brother, does it still hurt?" Alphonse carefully asked, just curiously watching his brother's toe to see the bandage stain go slightly red.

"Yeah, I'm fine now," Edward responded, getting up on his own feet tentatively, "Thanks for doctoring my foot, I think."

"No problem," Alphonse replied getting up from the floor. Just then he accidently walked into the same wall and his right pointed toe had quite a dent in it. Both of the brothers stared at the dent in awe.

"You know...if you were human you probably would've broken your toe...and probably half of your foot," Edward whispered in awe and fright at the same time to his younger brother. Alphonse, forgetting the fact that he was a suit of armour, began wrapping a bandage around his foot in case "anything came out of it".

* * *

_Ooh, I get to do advertising for me this time =D Please go see Chapter 7 of my story Childhood Songs, I updated it today (for once). Sorry for slow updates on other stories_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	25. Chapter 25

**25. Trick your brother about your body**

"Three years and we _still _can't find a closer way to get the Philosopher's Stone," Edward said, frustrated, before chucking the current book he was reading at the wall.

"Calm down brother," Alphonse reassured his brother by patting his back, "Besides...I have a confession to make." Edward's head snapped at these words.

"What is it?" He hesitantly asked his younger brother. Alphonse shuffled for a moment before slowly standing up. All was silent for a moment before Edward took of his chest plate and a human jumped out of it.

"Brother, I'm human again!" A high-pitched voice came from the voice box of Roy Mustang. "I've been human all this time and you never realised it! Hahahahahah!"

Edward at first turned a delicate shade of pink before rapidly turning a harsh shade of violent red.

And Edward was feeling violent towards his boss.

"DET YOUR EGOTISTICAL ASS BACK HERE! MAKING FUN OF OUR SITUATION! AND _**YOU!" **_Edward screamed, turning on his little brother, "JUST WAIT TILL WE HAVE A CONVERSATION ON WHY HELPING THIS BASTARD IS ILLEGAL!" Edward instantly turned to face his boss, who was laughing in the corner of the room, and decided the best way to break his pretty boy face would be slapping his face with his auto mail.

Mustang never tricked Edward about Alphonse's condition.

Ever.

He got no dates for a month after Edward made it seem like he put blusher on his face everywhere for a week.

* * *

_I'm really sorry for late updates, but I've got 4 tests this week to study for :s_

_Hey, I'm working on a story co-authored with The Forseer of Avalon called Corinna River Sands, go read it on her profile when it's uploaded! _

_-AEW Alchemist_


	26. Chapter 26

**26. The flat surface on the biggest spike is like a portable table**

"Brother, I feel jealous of you," Alphonse complained to his brother as Edward jumped into his bed.

"Really, how so?" Edward asked, wriggling around to get comfortable.

"You can put accessories on yourself-" Alphonse began to say.

" I DO'NT WEAR JEWELLERY AL!" Edward shouted. Alphonse flailed his arms.

"I know that _you _wouldn't, but at least you'd have the opportunity to try it," Alphonse explained, "I wouldn't be able to. Suits of armour aren't meant to have accessories. I would've liked to be able to wear a small chain with a family picture of us, but I can't do that...anyway, you get your rest brother, it's getting tired."

As Edward was slipping off into dream-land, he got an idea that would cheer up his little brother.

* * *

Alphonse had been looking out of the window for the entirety of the night, so he was shocked to find in the morning that a photo frame of himself, Edward and Trisha stuck on his spike protruding from his chest.

"Brother...what did you do?" Alphonse exclaimed, pointing to the picture frame. Edward jus looked at it and shrugged,

"Oh, that. You wanted that, so I attached it to your armour for you," Edward explained, grumbling to himself as he rubbed his eyes and made his way to the bathroom.

"Brother...I didn't want to become a table!" Alphonse cried.

"Ah! Next time I can't find a table I'll know what I'll use instead!" Edward shouted from the bathroom.

And indeed he stuck true to his word, on his next mission Edward had a picnic and Alphonse's spike was the make-shift table (after he took it off his brother, otherwise that sentence would sound...unique).


	27. Chapter 27

**27. If his armour was designed, you'd have a walking advertisement**

"Crap!" Edward shouted in despair when he checked under his pillow to see the funds that they had left for the year. The Elric brothers were paid annually, so what they were given for the year had to last.

"What is it?" Alphonse slammed the door shut behind him as he ran to where Edward was, who was counting the notes again, just to be sure.

"We only have two thousand and three hundred cens left," Edward complained, rubbing the money against his cheek in a way to show his undying love for the notes.

"What?" Alphonse asked in disbelief, "Just last week we had about five thousand! We need to get more money to be able to buy food for you! How else will that last for a month?"

Edward stubbornly shook his head. "There is no way in hell that I'm asking the Colonel bastard for any more money; he'd just laugh at us. But don't worry about me Al; I'm sure we'll do fine."

Alphonse left the dorm room to brainstorm ways to make more money for his economically dumb brother.

* * *

"Hey brother!" Alphonse called out as he walked back into their dorm, being careful not to rub his back on the walls or the door. Edward walked out from their bedroom to see his little brother. Edward looked up to smile at Alphonse before noticing that Alphonse was fidgeting in his spot. Edward peered at his brother.

"Al...what did you do while you were out?" Edward suspiciously asked. Alphonse looked like he was thinking for a few seconds for a few seconds before slowly turning around. On his back in black paint was written **COLONEL MUSTANG-WILL COOK SEAFOOD FOR LADIES. **Edward stared at the message inscribed on his brother's back before shouting:

"THERE ARE THREE THINGS WRONG WITH YOU WHAT YOU DID AL," Edward accused his brother, "FIRST. YOU WENT TO THE COLONEL FOR MONEY WHEN I TOLD YOU NOT TO. SECONDLY, HE INDIRECTLY CALLED ME A SHRIMP WHICH PISSES ME OFF. THIRDLY, _AFTER YOU MADE YOUR ARMOUR GOLD WHAT MADE YOU THINK I'D ALLOW YOU TO TATTOO YOUR ARMOUR!" _Edward screeched the third point in a somewhat parental tone before saying, "Alphonse, I'm very disappointed in you. You're still a teenager, you should be having fun, not worrying about our financial situation. Now go to your room," Edward pointed at their room.

"Brother...you do realise you're only one year older than me right?" Alphonse muttered as he walked to their room, "And if you feel that way I'll keep the money Mustang gave me."

Instantly Edward jumped up, saying "Alphonse, Daddy's so proud of you!~"

* * *

_Okay, so Edward somewhat turned into Tamaki xD_

_I will honestly try to update Azumanga High this weekend!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	28. Chapter 28

**28. If all his friends jumped off a cliff with him, he would live***

"Brother, why can't I go out into town by myself?" Alphonse whined after pleading Edward to visit the cattery. Edward refused to go and visit an entire building of the little critters, so when Alphonse declared he felt he should be able to go on his own so his brother wouldn't have to put up with it, Edward instantly said no.

"What about Scar?" Edward rhetorically asked his brother.

"What about Scar?" Alphonse repeated. "I can look after myself in a fight."

"No, it's too risky," Edward stubbornly shook his head, "We don't know where he is at the moment. Besides, I would start to worry."

"You're growing old _way _to fast," Alphonse muttered, "Do you remember the dangerous stuff you do on missions or what?"

"DON'T SPEAK LIKE THAT TO YOUR ELDERS!" Edward raged, "And listen to me when I'm talking! I don't want to lose my only other family left."

"Brother," Alphonse said before pausing for a few seconds for continuing, "Brother... I know how you feel but you have to give me my freedom. Remember Russell and Fletcher?"

"More than I'd care to," Edward growled, remembering the fourteen year old pest who was _taller _than him.

"Well Russell would let Fletcher go out into town alone, so why can't I go alone too?" Alphonse brought up a very good point. In fact, this point was so good it forced Edward to resort to the two most annoying phrases that any child hears in their youth.

"Because I'm your fath-brother, that's why," Edward stubbornly replied, "Besides, if all your friends jumped off a cliff, would you?"

"Yes, because it wouldn't kill me, I'm a suit of armour, worst I'll get is shattering my foot, and I'd catch my other friends too," Alphonse calmly replied without hesitating, beating his older brother's logic.

Needless to say, Alphonse was free to go to the cattery and Edward never used the two most annoying phrases to his brother again.

* * *

_* By this heading I mean no offense to anybody, I just used it in reference to the saying._

_I'm going to try and move away from it being only Ed and Al cos I've been doing that a lot lately..._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	29. Chapter 29

**29. He can walk around in the snow and rain (but still has to be careful) **

"The weather outside is dreadful," Mei complained, looking out of the hotel window and seeing the rain falling heavily from the sky. Alphonse got up from the sofa and walked over to the window to inspect the weather too.

"Hm, it looks pretty bad," Alphonse noted, "Looks like we'll be stuck in here for a while."

"But what about Xiao May?" Mei frantically cried, pointing to the small panda who was currently asleep with a fever, "If we can't get her medicine, she might-" Mei broke off her sentence as her eyes were welling up and she began to sniffle and wipe her tears. The wind which was blowing outside had calmed down slightly, and in the place of the rain storm it was snowing.

"If you want, I can buy her medicine," Alphonse tried to comfort the girl by bending down to hug her, "If I'm careful about my blood seal I'll manage,"

Mei wiped her tears and looked up at her crush, "Thank you Alphonse-sama," she whispered.

* * *

Alphonse was struggling to walk back to the hotel with the snowstorm whipping around his armour. The snow would cut off his vision, but he could still make out where he was going.

'At least Mei isn't going through this," Alphonse thought, 'She wouldn't be able to manage."

After some more walking and being wary about the gaps in his helmet to protect his blood seal, he soon arrived back at the hotel. Quickly rushing back up to their room clutching the medicine bottle, he ran into the room before running to grab a towel from the bathroom and wiping his armour fast so it wouldn't rust. Once he was sure he wouldn't rust, he went back to where Mei was, which was by Xiao May.

"Here," Alphonse gave Mei the small bottle of pills which had the appearance of blue smarties, "Ggive her two of these a day and she'll recover." Mei, with shaking hands, accepted the bottle and hesitantly put two of the pills in Xiao-May's mouth. She seemed to wake up slightly before resting again.

"Alphonse-sama," Mei hugged Alphonse, "Thank you so much for getting her medicine in the storm. You're so brave!~"

"Don't thank me, thank my armour." Alphonse replied.

* * *

_Heh, sorry to self-advertise but I put up a one-shot crossover of One Piece and FMA and I'd appreciate it a lot if you could read it :D_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	30. Chapter 30

**30. Never gets sunburnt**

"Alphonse, Winry and I are going to the lake," Edward informed his brother, "She wants to get a tan or something I dunno. You wanna come along?"

"Brother, I can't get a tan," Alphonse informed his brother. Edward snorted.

"I know that, but just for the company. Either that or you get to check over auto mail with Granny alone," Edward told his little brother.

In two minutes they were all out of the house and made their way to the lake.

* * *

"Ooh, it's so sunny here~" Winry squealed with joy as she lay down on one of the larger, smoother rocks in a swimsuit. Edward did the same and lay down near her. Alphonse just watched the two teens bask in glory of the golden sun.

After about half an hour of silence, Alphonse noticed that both of them were turning pink.

"You guys, I think you're both starting to burn," Alphonse hesitantly called up to them. Winry looked up, frowning.

"Hmm. I think that means it's working," Winry explained. By now Edward was a tomato-red colour.

"Don't worry about us Al, we're fine," Edward reassured his brother.

Alphonse didn't believe him.

* * *

"Mhm...hey, where am I-Ouch!" Edward yelped in shock after trying to lift up his sore, burnt arm. Alphonse hovered over his brother's bed.

"You fainted in the sun, so now your skin is burnt," Alphonse hurriedly explained, "You'll be able to move again by tomorrow."

"Hmm...that explains why my auto mail ports feel like they're on fire," Edward mused in wonder before falling asleep again.

'Stupid brother, I bet even if he was a suit of armour he would find a way to burn,' Alphonse thought.

* * *

_Sorry it's so short, it's been a long day for me :s_

_-AEW_


	31. Chapter 31

**31. Can't break a nail because he doesn't have any**

"Winry, what're doing?" Alphonse asked Winry. Edward and Alphonse had returned to Risembool after being attacked by Scar, so Alphonse was stuck inside the house while Edward went to their mother's grave. Winry turned to look at the suit of armour.

"Oh nothing much," she breezily replied, "Just fixing some of the wires in Ed's arm."

"That sounds difficult," Alphonse commented. Winry smiled at him before turning back to check through some of the coloured wires in his arm. She took off her work gloves to check through them. For a few minutes there was silence, until a small cracking noise could be heard coming from inside the auto mail arm.

"Winry, is everything alright?" Alphonse asked from where he sat. Winry swore under her breath as she pulled out her hand (carefully so as not to damage the interior of the prosthetic limb) and examined her hand. She noticed that her ring finger's nail had a large crack spreading across the width of it.

"Ow, that looks painful," Alphonse sympathetically said as Winry went to the medicine cabinet to put a plaster over her cracked nail so none of the oil or other materials could enter and infect it.

"Nothing to worry about Al," Winry reassured him, "It'll just take a few weeks for it to be able to be cut off. Until then I'll just have to use my gloves for everything."

"Sounds annoying."

"It is," Winry sighed, "Honestly, sometimes I wish I didn't have fingernails. All they do is get broken or caught on stuff. In that way you're lucky you don't have any," She turned back to Edward's arm and continued to work on it.

"Well yeah, I guess," Alphonse hesitantly began, "But...if the urge ever hit me, I could never paint my nails!" As he was sitting by the window, a ray of light conveniently shone over the armour as he said this. Winry only laughed awkwardly before working again.

* * *

_ADVERTISEMENT: If you're into One Piece, the story "One Piece: Parallel Works" by Oxenstierna D. Yuki-Rin might interest you!_

_Um, sorry for not updating yesterday. Stuff happens :s_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	32. Chapter 32

**32. In Winter, he's a portable fridge**

"You sure that you'll be able to take everything you need for the trip?" Riza asked Edward and Alphonse as they were waiting for their train to pull in to take them to the North to do some research work for a few weeks.

"Don't worry Lieutenant," Alphonse reassured her, "I always check over everything in case brother leaves something important behind...like his State Alchemist watch."

"Hey! That was one incident!" Edward protested.

"Anyway, what are you going to do about your food supply?" Riza asked, "I mean, you'lll be travelling for days at a time."

"Don't worry, we always have a plan for that," Alphonse crafilty said.

* * *

"Alright brother, do you want sausages, chicken or...what appears to be a frozen ant?" Edward asked, checking his interior body where the food was stored. Because he was made of steel, it was remarkably colder than usual in Winter than other seasons. Hence, to save money and time he would act as a fridge for his older brother.

"Ooh, sausages please," Edward grabbed the sausages and put them on logs he had stacked in a pile. Then with a clap of his hands the logs were alight and the sausages were cooking perfectly*.

"Hey Al," Edward asked, "When you open your chest plate light is in it, is there a light in it when it's shut? Cos then you'd really be like a fridge **."

"Brother, that's called the sun," Alphonse explained, "It lights my armour."

"So you're not a fridge?" Edward teased. Alphonse chucked the frozen ant into his brother's food.

"Shut up."

* * *

_*Anime logic. Deal with it :P_

_** Yes, fridges in their time didn't have lights. Check my first footnote._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	33. Chapter 33

**33. The wind can't destroy his hair**

"Are you done dressing yet brother?" Alphonse wearily called to his brother from the hallway in their dorm. He had been 'changing' for half an hour.

"I'm just brushing my hair Al," Edward called back. Alphonse sighed.

"You said that fifteen minutes ago!" Alphonse said, walking into the bedroom where Edward was obsessively staring into the mirror, brushing his hair very carefully so it wouldn't get knotted.

"My hair is thin so it tangles easily," Edward explained before grasping a small strand of his hair, clapping on it and transmuting his hair to stand up-his antenna was no complete.

"Whatever," Alphonse dismissed the topic, "Are you done yet?"

"Yeah," Edward replied just as he put his hair into a ponytail. Together they walked out of the door and out of the building. As they began walking outside, instantly a gust of wind blew. It wasn't the light type either-it completely messed up Edward's carefully organised hair. Even Alphonse was annoyed with his ribbon-hair piece blowing about in front of his face.

'At least I can handle it cos it's not hair' Alphonse thought to himself, 'How'll Edward take this?'

"GODDAMNIT WIND," Edward roared, shaking his fist at the sky, "WHY CAN'T YOU LET MY HAIR STAY FINE FOR _ONCE _WITHOUT SCREWING IT UP!"

"Brother, let's just go to HQ okay?" Alphonse soothed his brother.

* * *

"Hey Fullmetal, looks like the wind messed up your hair," Mustang greeted as both of them walked into the office, "Alphonse, your hair looks pretty good on the other hand."

"Psh, it's not that bad," Edward dismissed with a wave of his hand, with Alphonse staring in disbelief after seeing his temper tantrum.

"Well, it did mess up your antenna," Havoc noted. Edward shut his eyes as he took a big sigh.

"Excuse me, I'm going to the bathroom," Edward called, running out of this office at lightning speed.

He didn't return for an hour.

"Alphonse, are you this touchy about your own hair?" Breda asked, "Because if you are, it'll be a nightmare when there's a gust of wind with you two around."

"I'm not," Alphonse replied, "But touch my lock and I'll seriously injure you."

Everyone in the office wondered where they picked up on being defensive about their hair.

* * *

_Ed was more in focus cos I wanted to write him having a tantrum xD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	34. Chapter 34

**34. When he sniffles or his voice wobbles or he makes crying noises, your heart can't **_**help **_**but melt AKA Guilt Trap.**

"Hey look!" Alphonse pointed to a lump of metal on the ground. He bent down to pick it up. At closer inspection, it resembled a shiny rock. Alphonse instantly grew an attachment to it for a reason even he himself didn't know.

"Alphonse, what are you doing?" Edward asked curiously, peering at the metal rock (will be referred to as rock past this point), "It's just a piece of junk Al, put it back where you found it and let's keep going."

"No," Alphonse stubbornly replied, now petting the rock, "It reminds me of myself, if I were a rock."

"Err," Edward stuttered for words, "All it's is squished metal."

"Alphonse's began to sound like a lump was growing in it, "Brother, don't you want me to grow to love my body?"

"...Yes," Edward replied, not sure where his emotional brother was going.

"Wouldn't it be a good thing to find another poor creature in the same predicament as me?" Alphonse asked, the sound of tears in his voice evident.

"Rocks aren't alive," Edward corrected. Alphonse began to sniffle. "But, er, of course, I guess."

"So can I keep it?" Alphonse asked, his voice suggesting that if he was a human he would be on the verge of tears. Edward sighed.

"Fine. Keep the damn rock."

"YAY~" Alphonse walked down the road, dropping the stone as he went.

"Hey Al, I thought you wanted to keep it," Edward called to his skipping brother. Alphonse began to laugh.

"No, I was just testing how much I could get away with!" Alphonse merrily called back, "Next I'd probably be able to convince you to buy me a birthday cake this evening!"

* * *

_If you're curious, I have called multiple detectives to look for my sanity but so far it seems to be missing :P _

_-AEW Alchemist_


	35. Chapter 35

**35. Can't have a wardrobe crisis**

"Oh, what should I wear?" Edward asked in frustration, throwing his red trench coat to the floor where other clothes lay in frustration.

"Why do you care so much about how you dress anyway?" Alphonse asked. Edward grinned.

"Today Winry is coming into town ," Edward stated like it was the most obvious fact stated in history.

"...What has that got to do with how you dress brother? " Alphonse logically asked, slightly dreading the response, "It's not like you to dress up for someone, least of all Winry."

"Well you see, last time we visited her in Risembool...she said I had no taste in clothing, so today when she comes to visit us it is of the upmost importance to be presentable!" Edward revealed his mastermind plan. "But I can't decide what to wear!"

"Why not just what you usually wear?" Alphonse suggested. Edward flew into a fit of rage.

"WHA-HOW CAN I DO THAT? I NEED TO LOOK _FABULOUS_ TO PULL THIS OFF! JUST COS YOU CAN'T HAVE A WARDROBE CRISIS DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T HAVE ONE EITHER!" Edward shouted before coughing and returning to face his wardrobe before picking out two tops, one black, the other a shade lighter.

"Which one makes me look better?" Edward asked. Alphonse sighed.

"I dunno, try going without a shirt," Alphonse sarcastically muttered.

"I would, but I don't want a hoard of girls chasing or stalking me for the rest of my life," Edward replied before facing his half-empty wardrobe. "Now, what'll make me look, _shazam?"_ Edward asked himself.

Alphonse got embarrassed for his brother, extremely glad he wasn't in his brother's situation.

"Hey guys!" Winry called to the Elrics as she ran over to them, baggage in one hand. She just briefly gazed at Edward before handing Alphonse a pot of special gel which made his armour shinier. There was an awkward silence between the three teens for a few seconds before Edward couldn't stay silent any longer.

"Notice anything different about how I'm dressed?" Edward asked angrily. Winry gazed at him before shrugging and replying "Not really. Anyway, can you help me take my luggage up please?" Winry and Alphonse walked off with the luggage while Edward lingered behind, moaning "THIS TOP IS A HINT LIGHTER! IT BRINGS OUT MY EYES!"

"Hey Al," Winry asked Alphonse, "Did you do something different with your armour today?"

"No," Alphonse replied.

"Oh, it just looks good," Winry smiled.

"GAH!"

* * *

*** **_Cos Alphonse cares about his skin :P_

_No sightings of my sanity have been found yet. Please alert me if you see it... Yeah, the focus point of the story will go back to Alphonse tomorrow, kinda got side-tracked._

_300 reviews? Thank you all, loyal reviewers! I love you!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	36. Chapter 36

**36. Al is the walking disco party you never had**

"Why did the electricity go out just now?" A teenage boy complained as all the electricity in Central switched off. A group of teens who were with him grumbled and complained. Alphonse, who was walking past the group wondered why they were upset at the power cut.

"What's wrong?" Alphonse asked one of the teenage boys.

"We were going to have a party, but now we can't," he replied, "We even brought a disco ball with us, see?" He showed them a disco ball, where you would put a candle under it to make different colours shine*. Alphonse looked at the inanimate disco ball and got a brain wave.

"Hey, what if I can still give you guys your party?" Alphonse asked. All the teens began to cheer in joy. Alphonse picked up the disco ball to inspect it before placing it on the ground again. With a clap of his hands, he made the disco ball run on fully-charged batteries**. He took off his chest plate and placed the disco ball in it and turned it on, making all the coloured light reflect of his armour and shine far. At first the teenagers began to cheer before a logical-thinking one emerged.

"Why don't you have a body?" The teenager asked. Alphonse immediately panicked, picked up his chest from the floor and ran back to the dorms where Edward and Winry were currently residing.

* * *

"Hey guys," Alphonse greeted, shutting the door behind him. Because he was running fast from the flock of teens, he still had a disco inside of him, which obviously caught the attention of Edward and Winry.

"Al, why is there a disco ball inside you?" Edward asked. Alphonse sighed.

"Long story short, I stole it," Alphonse explained, turning off the lights in the dorm so the only source of light was the disco ball. "Either way, we can have our own party now!"

The three of them spent the rest of the night dancing their hearts out. Such dances they did included the Robot, the Hustle, Edward did a spot of break dancing, some slow dancing and even the Funky Chicken.

Alphonse was the DJ, as he did the singing-mostly beat boxing.

* * *

*_No batteries back then...I think...or even disco balls..._

_**Either way, now they exist :P_

_Okay, I really wanted to write more of the group's mini-rave, but homework calls...Joy...And I ignored the fact that they didn't have those dances back then. Wow, I really screwed up time frames in this chapter xD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	37. Chapter 37

**37. He doesn't have to worry about his face when posing for a camera**

"Alphonse-sama!" Mei called, rushing to hug the startled suit of armour, who soon returned the hug.

"Oh Alphonse, want to know why today's special?~" Mei asked Alphonse. Alphonse thought for a few seconds before shaking his head. "Not really, why?"

"Today we're getting out photo taken together!" Mei squealed in delight, "So whenever you travel, I will have a picture of us to comfort me. And you'll have one of me too!"

Just then Ling walked in, carrying a huge camera on a tripod and placing it on the ground.

"Here's the deal," Ling told Alphonse, "Five photos and I get access to both of your fridges for a week," Ling demanded. Mei instantly nodded her head.

"Agreed!" Mei cried.

AN HOUR LATER

"Mei, are you done getting ready yet?" Alphonse tiredly called to the girl. She indignantly called from her place by the mirror "I know that you look cute and don't need to worry about your features, but I want to look my best so you'll think I'm pretty."

"Mei, I already think that you're pretty," Alphonse told her, "You don't need to worry about having a perfect face, I like you for who you are, being pretty is just a bonus to me."

Mei just stood in silence before blood rushed to her face at an incredibly fast rate before running to the suit of armour and hugging him tightly. Ling took the photos and ran to back of the base's tent where a fridge was located.

Mei let go of Alphonse five minutes later, and saw the photos which were developed and lying on the floor. Mei picked them up, Alphonse leaning over her to see them. Mei began to smile.

"I love it," Mei whispered.

* * *

Edward walked in to their dorm room to find that their fridge was completely empty and the door was swinging open to it, with a window open and the curtains fluttering.

"GODDAMNIT LING, DON'T STEAL MY FOOD!" Edward shouted to no avail.

Well, Ling did hear him, and evil laughed as he jumped from roof to roof holding bundles of food.

* * *

_Well, there's some AlMei for Valentine fans...joy..._

_But I couldn't make it completely sweet xD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	38. Chapter 38

**38. When in a crowd at the back he can still see**

"Why is there such a big crowd?" Alphonse asked himself, seeing a crowded area which was located outside of a hardware shop. Alphonse, being the tall suit of armour he is, saw a man holding up what appeared to be three pieces of wood poorly nailed together. Alphonse moved to the crowd to see what he was talking about.

"I call this invention a foot-lifter!" The man declared proudly, placing said foot-lifter on the floor and proving why it was named this by standing on it. "This way, whenever you are at a back of a crowd, such as this one, you'll still be able to see."

"HA!" Alphonse cheered, louder than he meant to, "Sorry! It's just that I'm already so tall I don't need to worry about seeing over crowds," Alphonse had to explain hastily.

"How are you so darn tall anyway?" The salesman asked Alphonse.

"Over six and a half feet," Alphonse replied uncertainly. The salesman grinned.

"Wow, that's amazin' considering your age! You don't sound too old," The man bowed down to him, "I shall give you the honour of giving my invention a new name."

"How about a foot stool?" Alphonse suggested. Instantly everyone began to clap.

"HUZZAH FOR TALL PEOPLE!" The crowd began to cheer. Alphonse, who was beginning to get embarrassed, tried to walk away from the crowd. Luckily because of his view point, he could see where to go without accidently standing on anybody and possibly killing them (_**Eh, I feel morbid today**_). Before he left however, he turned back to the sales-man.

"I may already be able to see over crowds, but I know someone who can't..." Alphonse explained, mentally thinking '_I know he's my brother, but sometimes the pressure to tease his height compared to mine gets too high,'_

* * *

_...Now you may be asking yourself "What the hell?" after reading this chapter. Imagine how I feel after writing it._

_As you've noticed, my updates are getting less frequent than daily. I promise at latest it'll be updated every two days, just so much shizzle going on_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	39. Chapter 39

**39. He could watch movies in the cinemas with a rating of 18+ if he cared to.**

"Hey look what I found!" Ling exclaimed, pulling out a movie poster from where he was perched...on the Elric's hotel window. Both of the brothers jumped when they noticed the prince there.

"Ling, you've got to stop doing that," Alphonse lectured. Edward walked up to Ling and took the movie poster from his hands.

"Hey Al, check this out," Edward showed his brother the poster, on which there was a title shouting **GORY MURDERS, NIGHTMARES AND A FEW CHOICE WORDS*** and on the poster there was a picture of a man in sunglasses holding a large gun.

"That looks cool," Alphonse awed (due to the fact that he's easily impressed).

"Yeah...let's go!" Edward pulled on his red trench coat and made for the door, Ling trailing after him.

"But the movie is an eighteen," Alphonse pointed out, "None of us are eighteen."

"You obviously haven't seen how manipulative the movie people who check the tickets are," Ling began to evil laugh along with Edward, Alphonse just staring at them and wondering what dropped on their heads when they were younger.

* * *

"You two aren't allowed in," The cinema man pointed at Ling and Edward after checking their tickets. They had made Alphonse purchase the tickets and thought they would get away with it until the 'security guard of the cinema' stopped them.

"Why?" Edward shouted, "We're over eighteen!" The security guard began to snicker.

"You? Eighteen? Ha!"

"DON'T CALL ME SHORT YOU IGNORANT BASTARD!"

"I am the prince of Xing," Ling informed the security guard, "That makes me royalty. And you don't boss around royalty."

"I just did," The man pushed the two teenage boys back before turning to the suit of armour and saying "Just go down the corridor to screening room 11 and the movie will start in a few minutes."

"Bye you guys~" Alphonse called as he skipped down the corridors.

"TAKE US WITH YOU~" Ling wept, crying on the floor.

Alphonse thoroughly enjoyed the movie, and laughed at how stupid the security guard was for not noticing his age.

* * *

_*Just listing most of the things a movie is rated 18 for :P_

_Seriously, they're like security guards-when I was 13 and tried to get into a 14 they told me I couldn't go in cos I didn't look old enough-and my short friend got into an 18 T.T life's not fair!_

_Oh, and I'm back after a mini hiatus :P hi again_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	40. Chapter 40

**40. Because his armour can ricochet,...-screw it, more anime logic!**

It's surface had a soft shine to it, as it stood proudly in the sun's light, in the middle of the military training area.

An exceptional trampoline if there was ever one.

It was a new addition at East HQ, and both Alphonse and Edward couldn't help but stare at it. It was almost like it was calling them, and it was just waiting to be bounced on. Checking both ways to make sure nobody was watching them, Edward and Alphonse both ran over to it, and began to bounce on it. When they were younger they always wanted to go on one but never got the opportunity. In this moment in time, they understood why there were so awesome.

"Wow!" Edward shouted in joy when he saw that he had jumped about two metres into the air before jumping repeatedly on it again.

He was no match for Alphonse though.

Alphonse, as soon as he even set foot on the trampoline bounced as high as Edward. When Alphonse began to jump, Edward actually was bounced so high in the air he was forced to do a barrel roll onto the ground. He watched how high his brother was going-at least six metres in the air, and easily surpassed the height of the surrounding trees.

"Al, how do you jump that high?" Edward called to his brother, a hint of jealously in his voice, "You must be cheating."

"Must be the armour," Alphonse thought aloud, "I mean, if it ricochets bullets, it must ricochet against the trampoline, letting me bounce higher."

"Hm," Edward sulked to himself for a second.

Edward soon left his brother there as he had to work after watching him for a few minutes, but Alphonse jumped to his heart's content for the next three hours non-stop.

Alphonse was thoroughly entertained, as were the military personnel who would occasionally pass by, watch him and cheer him before carrying on with their work.


	41. Chapter 41

**41. He can't get pimples.**

That day was just like any other day for Winry Rockbell. If she looked out of her window, she would've seen the Elric brothers having a sparring match as Edward's auto mail had been upgraded a few hours ago by Pinako. The birds were humming peaceful tunes as they soared through the bright, sunny sky and the trees were swaying to the natural harmony of the wind.

But she didn't look out of her window, and she was thankful she didn't when she walked over to her mirror after waking up.

And she screamed.

Loudly, and for a good reason.

There was a pimple the size of a grape protruding on the top of her forehead, located just under her fringe. Winry instantly began to panic, and poked it to see if it would disappear by annoying it. Sadly, logic reminded her this was not possible and it remained where it was.

"Oh damn," Winry panicked, trying to cover it with her fringe but failing, "How can I go and see Edward with this _monstrosity_ on my face?" Winry wasn't a vain girl but she did want to look above average for the boy she had a crush on. As she was too busy panicking, she didn't hear Alphonse walk into her room.

"Hey Winry, do you-AHHHH!" Alphonse screamed as he saw Winry's pimple. Winry pouted at Alphonse.

"Can you transmute it off?" Winry pouted.

"That'd be human transmutation," Alphonse shook his head, "But I do have another more stylish idea..."

* * *

"Morning alchemy freak~" Winry sang as she ran down the steps to greet Edward. Edward just nodded until he saw her face.

"Win...why are you wearing Al's head?" Edward asked.

"Cos she has great fashion taste!" Alphonse called from Winry's room where he sat.

* * *

_Writing that last part was above average in terms of enjoyment ^^I never get pimples that big, I just wanted to tease Winry :P_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	42. Chapter 42

**42. When you don't have a bottle, his head can be the bottle in Spin The Bottle.**

"Well, it's seven thirty in the evening, a raging blizzard is outside and our electricity is bound to go out in a few minutes," Mustang briefly summarized the situation at hand, lighting various candles in the office (which conveniently had some paperwork hidden in the wax) with clicks of his fingers, before the power went out a few seconds later, leaving the office in an eerie darkness.

"There it goes," Havoc sighed, "Along with my plans of going out."

"There's nothing we can do about this, so let's try to stay optimistic," Alphonse optimistically encouraged his men, "Why don't we play a game of something?"

"Like what?" Fuery curiously asked.

"How about charades?" Falman suggested.

"Psh, like we could play charades with a talking dictionary," Edward dismissed.

"I'VE GOT AN IDEA~" Hughes sang as he waltzed into their office, shutting the door behind him, camera in hand, "Sorry Roy, but my office has turned into a _freezer, _so I came here instead," Hughes explained, joining everyone else who was sitting on the rug on the floor.

"Let's play Spin The Bottle!" Hughes cheered, "Someone spins it and whoever it lands on has to kiss that person, then that person spins."

"Why would you want to play that..." Edward queasily asked. Hughes held up his camera, and everyone instantly understood why.

"...Fine, but as long as you say we were all drunk," Breda stated, Mustang nodding in agreement.

"Wait, we don't have a bottle," Riza said, a glimmer of hope shining in her voice, but of course Alphonse had a more complicated solution rather than just transmuting a bottle...

* * *

"I'm still not used to this," Alphonse weakly cried as his head was spinning about five rotations a second before stopping. This had been going on for some time, and Alphonse strangely had the sensation of wanting to up-chuck.

Roy had spun it, and it landed on Riza. Mustang nearly leapt to his feet as he moved to where Riza was, both of them with a hint of pink on their cheeks.

No-one considered turning Al's head away.

'IT'S LIKE WHEN I SPIED ON THEM ALL OVER AGAIN (CHAPTER 14)' Alphonse mentally shouted to himself, trying to shut his eyes, but not being able to. After what felt like hours to Alphonse, he saw a whole blur of colours before Al was facing Fuery (his head was sideways, whoever the spike on his head pointed at was 'It'). Riza just gave him a quick peck on the cheeks. Fuery, blushing (which none of them regretted once Hughes passed them around as it made them seem like they were drunk) spun Al's head and it stopped on Edward.

"NO WAY IN HELL!" Edward jumped up, pointing his auto mail finger at Fuery. "IF THIS IS WRONG, LET THERE BE LIGHTNING STURCK!"

Just then the light in the building came on. Edward shrugged and said "That counts!" before looking outside the window to see the bad weather had stopped.

"Hey Al, we can go now!" Edward cheered, picking up his brother's head from the floor and attaching it to his armour before running out of the building. As soon as they both ran out of the doors of the building, both brothers shouted "I'M FREE~"

* * *

_It was so fun writing sentences like "Ed picked up Al's head" xD_

_Okay, I have no excuse. But you guys still love me right? Right?...*sobs*_

_Just wanted to write something like this cos there are so many stories like this on FF, and yes using your 'head' as a bottle in Spin The Bottle is a good thing...I think..._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	43. Chapter 43

**43. Mosquitoes can't hurt him**

It was in the midst of the night, and the Elric brothers, after failing to find a hotel with rooms in it, were camping outside in the thick of a forest somewhere near Creta. Alphonse was star-gazing as he had nothing else to do, and Edward-well, he was-

"IF YOU FUCKING BUGS BUZZ AROOUND MY EARS ONE MORE TIME, I'LL PUNCH THE LIVING CRAP OUTTS YA!" Edward roared from the tent he was meant to be sleeping in, and Alphonse saw Edward get out of his tent.

"Al, the mosquitoes keep annoying me," Edward complained like a small child would to their mother. Alphonse sighed at his brother's behaviour.

"What do you want me to do about that brother?" Alphonse asked, obviously not expecting an answer. Edward however, had one.

"The mosquitoes don't bite or annoy you do they?" Edward confirmed, to which he got a nod from Alphonse, "Well, mosquitoes are attracted to light, so they'd attracted to your eyes if you stay in my tent, and will leave me alone!" Edward concluded, looking quite proud of himself.

"Fine," Alphonse gave in, walking behind his brother to get in the tent with him, "But if it doesn't work, you can't blame you!"

Edward nodded.

TWO HOURS LATER

"Al..." Edward quietly called from where he was sleeping.

"What is it brother?" Alphonse checked up on his brother. Edward rubbed his eyes before looking into Alphonse's.

"Well, the mosquitoes aren't bugging me now or biting you as you're a suit of armour," Edward said, "But in the dark of the night, your eyes are like headlights!"

"THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT THAT!" Alphonse cried in disbelief, walking out of the tent, "Deal with the bugs by yourself."

* * *

The next morning, or rather a few hours later, Edward emerged from the tent looking like death itself-he had circles around his eyes, and lots of bumps covering his face, left arm, right foot and neck, and he couldn't stop scratching at them. Edward then glared at his brother while rubbing his human flesh.

"I hate you now," Edward glared, though he didn't actually mean he hated Alphonse.

"Not my fault I am invincible against bugs!" Alphonse indigitantly stated to his brother, and after saying that sentence, Alphonse never let go of the fact that Edward was beaten by bugs.

* * *

_Yay, I see an update! Also, I'm going to try and pull an all-nighter tonight and just write through all of it-yup, for about 8-10 hours I'm going to see if I can just make constant updates...I'll need tons of coffee_

_An update on Childhood Songs should be coming soon!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	44. Chapter 44

**44. Al would make an epic bodyguard**

"Oh no!" The lady at the library was panicking as she checked through the records of all of the books at East's library and to her dismay found that at least 10% of the books had gone missing.

"What's wrong?" Alphonse asked her once he saw her panic. She look at him, terror in her eyes.

"People are stealing the books!" She told him, "There's not much I can do about it as I can only book-keep the books which are here. I really wish there was someone who could help me," She moaned.

"Maybe I can," Alphonse offered., already scheming.

* * *

"Hey Al, you're already here," Edward greeted his brother as he saw him standing outside of the library's door, "Let's go pick up some alchemy books."

"No can do young man," Alphonse picked up Edward by the hood of his jacket and plonked him in front of Alphonse.

"Now I'll need to see at least three forms of proof that you don't steal or ever will." Alphonse coldly stated to his blood relative. Edward began to laugh.

"Oh I see, it's a joke...heheh, very funny," Edward attempted to walk into the library again, but again Alphonse blocked his way and tried to glare at Edward.

"I take my job as the bodyguard of the library _very seriously _young man," Alphonse sternly informed his older brother, "So unless I can see that proof, I'm afraid that you're out of here!"

Edward was beginning to get angry at this point.

"Look Al, I'm your _brother-"_ but he was interrupted by Alphonse's secret weapon that he only intended to use on trouble makers.

"You wouldn't," Edward hissed as Alphonse slowly and dramatically pulled out some pitch-black shades and put them over his eyes.

"Try me," Alphonse determinedly stated, standing still with his arms folded across his chest and shades on. Edward was about to resist but-

"I CAN'T HANDLE THE AWEOSMENESS~" Edward retreated, running away from the library. Alphonse chuckled to himself.

"Looks like I've saved our community once again," He took of his shades and remained standing in that pose.

No-one dared enter the library with such a scary figure guarding the door.

Mission accomplished for Alphonse.

* * *

_Double update! Also, halfway through this fic-took a lot longer than I thought xD But thank you so much for all of your support everyone-cyber cookie! (::) _

_Been writing two hours straight, so gonna take a small break now then probably work on a one shot..._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	45. Chapter 45

**45. He doesn't have to worry about showering on a regular basis**

Five days. That was how long Edward and Alphonse had been travelling through the desert on their way to Lior. Alphonse wasn't affected by the desert much, sans drowning in the sand every few minutes, but the same couldn't be said for the older brother.

Now, the brothers weren't vain-they didn't expect to be given a hero's welcoming to the desert town, but they didn't expect being greeted so hostility.

Whoever the Elric's tried to talk to in the city, the people would always first greet Alphonse, then notice the lingering smell of a greasy teenager who hasn't bathed in five days. Some people would hold their noses and walk away from the two brothers, others would have their eyes leaking uncontrollably, especially if there was a breeze, and one poor lad who had a poor immune system even fainted. But for the life of the Elrics, they couldn't figure out why.

"Brother, have you been here before?" Alphonse asked. Edward gave a puzzled look to his brother as he shook his head.

"Oh, I thought you might have offended them," Alphonse breezily explained. Before Edward had the chance to get angry, an old man running a bar shouted "He is offending us!"

"What was that old man!" Edward demanded, glaring at the poor man.

"Your smell! You absolutely stink!" The old man informed them, shutting his shop, hoping it would stop Edward's smell.

"So...you smell bad," Alphonse said to himself in thought. Edward was standing besides him, his face beetroot red.

"Hey, shut up!" Edward whispered from where he was-hiding behind his brother.

"But I don't cos I don't need to shower," Alphonse than ran off, waving.

"WHERE'RE YOU GOING AL!" Edward asked.

"They don't hate _me, _bye brother~" Alphonse merrily called as he skipped off, leaving Edward in his own threshold of embarrassment.

There were rumours spreading, as the same day Edward arrived in the city Cornello was killed, that Edward's smell was so offending it killed their god Leto.

* * *

_Hah, I love humiliating Edward xD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	46. Chapter 46

**46. Can YOU make it look like you're eating your arm?**

Alphonse didn't understand what made him desire to pretend he was eating his arm-probably boredom. But either way, making sure he was in the dorm just a few minutes before Edward returned from work at the office, Alphonse arranged his left hand so to the onlooker it looked like Alphonse was munching on his wrist. He positioned himself just a few metres away from the door and waited for his brother to return from work to scare him. He then got another idea on how to scare his brother...

When Edward opened the door to their dormitory, needless to say he was utterly confused at seeing his brother screaming with his hand in his mouth.

"BROTHER! THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE!" Alphonse shouted, his right hand tugging on the one occupying the space under his helmet, "I CAN'T CONTROL MY LEFT ARM, NOW I'M TURNING INTO A SELF-CANNIBAL AND I'M SCARED!"

Edward began spazzing on the spot, and began to run around in a circle, shouting "WHADDA WE DO?" Alphonse suddenly stopped what he was doing, took o the hand which was supposedly not being controlled by himself and laughed at his brother's panic. It took Edward twenty seconds to realise that nothing could control Alphonse's arm except Alphonse. Another ten to realise that Alphonse can't even eat. Another five seconds to realise he'd been tricked. Ten more seconds to stop running around, shouting.

"AL YOU ARE SO GONNA PAY!" Edward raged. Alphonse ran out of the dormitory and down the hallway, shouting "Help, I'm eating my arm!"

Edward never that night down.

* * *

_Random short crack-fic FTW ^^_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	47. Chapter 47

**47. In an arm-wrestling match he's unstoppable (At least in theory)**

Mustang's eye twitched as he was reading through a thirty-seven page essay written by Falman about why biro pens are more efficient in the work place than ball-point pens. Mustang let out a large yawn as he loftily turned the page. He was ready to take any excuse to get away from this written torture, otherwise known as an essay. Music to his ears, he heard the perfect excuse to escape.

"Will Mustang be mad if I asked him to test it?"

Considering the office and everything it belonged to the Colonel, he jumped as he got tout the chair and almost ran to the door to the outer office. Lieutenant Hawkeye coughed, demanding an explanation.

"Hey, they could blow up my office!" Mustang explained as he walked into the outer office. What he saw was Edward and Alphonse having an arm-wrestling match with all his subordinates cheering either of the brothers. Alphonse was beating Edward easily, and in a couple of seconds he defeated his older brother.

"What do you want me to test boys?" Mustang asked, remembering why he escaped from his office. Alphonse turned to face Mustang.

"Well I have a hypothesis," Alphonse explained, "Because I can't feel pain or have nerves in my arm, I can defeat anybody at arm-wrestling. Well, you're strong, so would you care to test it?"

Mustang grinned, grabbing the boys right arm with his own and slamming their elbows on a table.

"Three, two, one, GO!" Havoc counted down. Instantly Alphonse showed signs of resistance to Mustang, as did Mustang to Alphonse. Their struggle against each other was equal. Until Mustang's elbow began to ache. Slowly but surely, his arm gave in to Alphonse's strength, and Alphonse had crushed Mustang.

"This means nothing, "Mustang growled at a certain blond worker who was laughing.

"Yes Sir," Havoc instantly stopped laughing. The other blond in the office however continued to laugh.

"You lost to a suit of armour in arm-wrestling! BWAHAHAHAHAH!" Edward laughed.

"Yes, but you're forgetting something Fullmetal," Mustang coolly replied, "So did you."

Edward shut up.

Alphonse began to laugh in his place.

* * *

_Hey you guys, a friend of mine called __**PurpleViolinx3 **__on deviant art is trying to set up a fanclub group which will do fandubs for animes and songs. If you can be a performer, translator, administrator or are interested, please check out her deviant art profile where there's more detail on her journal. Thanks!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	48. Chapter 48

**48. Apply to be a food critic and just insult everyone's food**

Alphonse seemed in a much more upbeat mood than usual, much to his older brother's delight. When Alphonse randomly burst out in laughter for no reason at all, Edward naturally got curious at his brother's source of happiness.

"Hey Al," Edward called to his brother, "Why're you laughing so much?"

"Cos I just outsmarted the military, that's why!" Alphonse gleefully responded.

"What do you mean?" Edward asked.

"I applied to be a food critic for the lunch food," Alphonse explained, doing a little hop on the spot. Edward began to say

"But you can't-oh."

"Exactly!" Alphonse cheered, "And I'm going to break their spirit!"

"Err, don't know why you'd want to do that, but have fun," Edward (half heartedly) cheered on his brother.

* * *

"Nope, it lacks a soft contrast between the sauce and the meat," Alphonse explained to the latest wannabe chef for the military, "It just doesn't encapsulate my taste, the flavour doesn't light up my soul or my spirit. You need to put your heart into what you cook, and make it a pleasant taste journey for the eater of the food. You know what? YOU'RE WORTHLESS AT COOKING! GO HOME! COOKING IS A PASSION, AND YOU CLEARLY LACK THAT! Come back when you can learn!" Alphonse shouted, pointing to the door. The chef (with multiple scars and large muscles) burst into tears and ran out of the kitchen.

"NEXT!" Alphonse shouted threateningly.

All the chefs quit.

* * *

_Hah, I just watched some Gordon Ramsey lately and One Piece. I find it funny how some people (like Sanji) go into so much detail about the flavours and texture of the food and the heart of it, and then chefs like Gordon Ramsey...well, you know what I mean xD Forgive me for OOC-ness!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	49. Chapter 49

**49. Could write a best-selling novel**

"Hey Al," Havoc greeted a certain suit of armour who was currently typing away furiously on a type writer, "What're you up to?"

"My memoirs," Alphonse calmly replied while his gloved fingers flew across the keys on the typewriter.

"But you're only fourteen," Havoc laughed as he positioned his head over Alphonse's shoulder to read what he was writing about.

_I remember a time a few months into the year of 1914, there was a large display of cupcakes outside in Central's Park, as it was National Pastry Day. The icing on each of the cupcakes was done perfectly, and the cupcakes, among other delightful pastries on display, looked so perfect you wouldn't want to ruin their beauty by eating them. I saw the look in Edward's eyes which shined at the sight of them. I told him to get some for himself, as I knew he felt guilty I couldn't join him. Then realisation hit me like a ton of bricks- unless my body can't return to its original form, I could no longer eat cupcakes._

_End of chapter five._

"Why're you writing your memoirs?" Havoc asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Alphonse replied back, "When I get my body back soon, I will remember what it was like being a suit of armour."

"But...wouldn't it be hard to forget something like that?" Havoc curiously pointed out, "I mean, it's quite an important event in your life."

There was a pause for a few seconds.

"Do you want to hurt my feelings Havoc?" Alphonse asked with a tremble threatening to turn his voice into a blubbering mess. Havoc put his hands in front of him defensively.

"No, not at all!"

"Good!" Alphonse's voice returned to normal, "Then we'll pretend this conversation never happened~" Alphonse then turned back to face the typewriter and began to write chapter 6- _Bugs still bug me._

* * *

_Y'know, National Pastry Day exists O.o_

_Yes, I can't get the theme of food outta this story *kicks a random cupcake* Stay outta it next chapter...stupid food..._

_Let's face it, you'd buy Alphonse's memoirs, who wouldn't?_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	50. Chapter 50

**50. Doesn't have to wear embarrassing knitted sweaters**

"Hello you boys," Gracia Hughes affectionately greeted the Elric brothers on the outside of their apartment. She opened the door fully, and both of the boys entered the house. Elysia ran out from her bedroom, shouting "Big brothers!"

"Hey there," Alphonse greeted Elysia, laughing as he patted her on the head.

"You boys, I have a gift for you," Gracia remembered, rushing to the closet to get them out.

"Mrs. Hughes, you know you don't have to get us anything," Edward modestly told her, Alphonse nodding.

"Well I made them myself," Gracia proudly said as she gave a lumpy package to each of the boys, "Go on, open them!"

"Wow! A sweater!" Alphonse cried out with joy, looking at it. There was a large snowflake stitched into both of the lumpy white cotton sweaters. Alphonse was pleased that she cared about them enough to make them...but they just didn't suit either of their styles.

"Um Gracia," Alphonse hesitantly said, "I don't think I'd be able to put this on without breaking it, and I wouldn't want to," Alphonse honestly explained, "But I'll keep it with me. Thank you so much!"

"Oh, I didn't think of that," Gracia laughed, "It's okay, don't worry. Edward, how do you like yours?"

Edward also appreciated the thought, but honestly he wouldn't want to be seen wearing it outside. So, he did what anyone would, and took of his jacket and put it on.

"It feels so soft," Edward fished for compliments, not wanting to upset Gracia, "And it'll keep me warm. Thanks Gracia."

"No worries," Gracia laughed, pulling out a camera from her pocket (apparently, when Alphonse asked her why she had one later, it was revealed Hughes forces her to always have one) and took a photo of Edward.

"Aww, it looks so good on you," Gracia complimented Edward, "Let me give this photo to Maes to take into work."

Edward struggled not to faint right then on the spot.

After Mustang's reaction to the photo, Alphonse was grateful he couldn't wear a sweater.

* * *

_I have nothing against home made things-my grandma makes me lots of knitted things :) But I can't imagine Edward wearing any home made sweater with a snowflake on it!_

_Also, 50 chapters! THanks all for your support, I never would have got the motivation to continue otherwise :D_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	51. Chapter 51

**51. ****He could catch a grenade for ya **

"Mmm," Mei happily sighed as she leaned on Alphonse's armour tiredly. Alphonse reached with his free arm to grab a blanket on the floor and covered Mei's body with it. She sighed again as she looked into Alphonse's glowing eyes.

"Alphonse-sama?" Mei asked Alphonse.

"What is it?"

"...What would you do to prove your love for me?" Mei asked, her tone indicating she was in a fan girl mood.

"Umm..." Alphonse thought aloud, "I would..."

"Like in battle, you'd help me if I was struggling right?" Mei pushed him.

"Yeah, of course!" Alphonse instantly replied, "I'd catch a grenade for you if it was going to hit you, and take a bullet for you."

"AWWWW~" Mei squealed, trying to snuggle further into Alphonse's right arm, "You'd do that for me?"

"Of course I would," Alphonse reassured Mei. Mei glomped Alphonse's metal arm.

"The best part is that it wouldn't kill me, only blow my arm off," Alphonse thought aloud, "At least then it wouldn't hurt me."

Mei glared up at him.

"Not that I _wouldn't _take the pain for you Mei," Alphonse faltered. Mei smiled approvingly at him before shutting her eyes. Alphonse peacefully watched her sleep for a few minutes, happy his suit of armour made a person he cared deeply for pleased her.

* * *

_Heh, I blame the shops constantly blaring Grenade for this, now it's stuck in my head_

_I have grown a new found love for AlMei, expect more chapters with them later._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	52. Chapter 52

**52. Tell people he's from the future and this is how humans evolved**

Alphonse was bored. It happened quite rarely considering how extraordinarily preoccupied the brothers were, usually with research, albeit rarely there were days where Alphonse had nothing to do. Because Edward was taking a day off and instructed Alphonse not to research, the younger brother had nothing to do.

"Brother?" Alphonse asked his brother who was lying down on their bed and daydreaming, "What do you do whenever you get bored?"

"Hmm," Edward hummed out loud, "Either prank call Mustang, try out new fighting techniques or prank whoever is unfortunate to come into contact with me," Edward answered thoughtfully with a mean smirk on his face, "Heh, the poor saps never see it coming."

"Brother, what do you...you know what, never mind," Alphonse sighed before getting an idea.

* * *

Alphonse took a deep, unnecessary breath before walking up to a girl who was swinging on a wooden swing at Central City's Park alone. He slowly walked up to where she was and sat down on the swing next to her.

"Hello," Alphonse greeted her. She stopped swinging, looked at him with curious eyes and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Who're you?" She asked.

"That doesn't matter, but I have something important to tell you," Alphonse told her in a whisper.

"Why're you whispering?" She asked. Alphonse looked both ways before nodding and leaning in.

"Because it's a secret," Alphonse whispered to her. Once being a child himself, he knew the little girl would listen straight away after saying that.

"What is it?" She excitedly asked.

"Well, I'm from the future," Alphonse explained. She glared at him.

"Prove it," She stated, crossing her arms. Alphonse nodded, and slowly took off his helmet.

"You see in my time, we don't need bodies," Alphonse easily lied. The girl began to scream and ran off to a woman sitting on a bench nearby, screaming "They're invading from the future!"

Alphonse knew that morally it was wrong to scare a small girl, that it is ethically wrong, but he couldn't help but laugh.

* * *

_Cos when you think of people from the future, you think of suits of armour xD_

_I want to ask you guys a favour. I want to try and write an angst-humour one-shot as a challenge, but I can't think of a title. Can you recommend a good title? I'll give you credit._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	53. Chapter 53

**53. He would look awesome wearing any form of eye accessory**

"Okay, how do these look?" Alphonse asked Mei and Winry, trying on a pair of round, dark brown sunglasses, dark enough so you could faintly see his glowing eyes behind them. Winry and Mei were initially shopping for themselves, but Mei didn't want Alphonse to feel upset, so they went to an accessory shop and were dressing up the suit of armour.

"Mei likes them~" Mei squealed, Winry moving behind the small girl to hold her in case she fainted out of a fan girl spasm.

"Yeah, they look pretty cool," Winry nodded approvingly. Alphonse tilted his head in different ways (his attempt of armour posing) before he put the glasses back on the glasses rack, and tried a different look.

"Well, do I look dignified?" Alphonse asked, revealing a monocle in his left eye which was literally lodged in part of his eye so it could stay in. Both of the girls burst out laughing.

"Don't get me wrong, you look cool in it," Winry said between laughs, "But don't wear it in public. Please."

"Agreed," Mei giggled. Alphonse huffed as he put it back, grumbling to himself until he found a pair of John Lennon round light blue sunglasses. When he put them on, Winry and Mei stared in awe at him.

"Something tells me that those shades will be popular in the future," Winry correctly predicted, Mei nodding next to her. Alphonse put them back and then tried on pitch black sunglasses which were pointed at the bottom and had a straight frame. Mei's eyes instantly turned into hearts, got a small nosebleed, and Winry managed to catch her just in time as she really did faint.

"Yeah...that about sums it up," Winry nodded at Mei, who's eyes were still like hearts, "Now take them off before she wakes up and starts to squeal,"

"Right," Alphonse put them back on the shelf, thinking to himself, 'I don't even need a perfect face to look good in any glasses. Take that society.'

* * *

_For the last pair of sunglasses, type black sun shades into Google Images and it's the one with the sun wearing the shades xD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	54. Chapter 54

**54. Can juggle your own head.**

Edward and Alphonse were standing outside of Central City's train station, Edward wearing a disgruntled look on his face, Alphonse just standing next to his brother.

"Brother, how much extra money do we need?" Alphonse asked his brother. They had previously tried buying train tickets because according to Edward :"Mustang was a clingy bastard when it came to money so wouldn't pay for one of his subordinates to go on a mission because he's a bastard like that".

"About eight hundred cenz," Edward approximated.

"So how can we raise money?"

"Dunno," Edward sighed. Alphonse then got an idea. With some dirt on the ground, Alphonse transmuted dirt into the shape of a hat, and Alphonse took off his head. With his head off, it speared that there was a headless man. One little girl saw Alphonse, and scared, dropped fifty cenz into the dirt hat before running off.

"Hmm, look like we need to step up our game," Edward thought aloud. Alphonse then played 'Hot Potato' with his head, while shouting "Brother look! I can juggle my head!"

If you saw a suit of armour juggling his head, you would be curious, wouldn't you? Well that's exactly what the people at the train station did. For about two minutes, people looked on in awe as they saw him juggle his head, and heard his voice coming from his helmet. Edward then put his hand in front of his brother, signalling him to stop, which he did.

"People, if you don't pay, get a move on!" Edward growled at the flock of people. Little children begged their parents to give them coins after seeing the 'Juggling Head Man' and once everybody had left, Alphonse attached his head and picked up the coins from the dirt hat, and counted that they had raised over two thousand cenz.

"We made enough!" Alphonse said with relief, "Now we can afford the train tickets, and even have spare money!"

"Great work AL," Edward patted his brother on the back. As they were about to go up to the ticket desk, Alphonse noticed that there was a street performer who was dressed as a ninja and showing a small crowd of children how to jump like a ninja. Alphonse dropped some of their money into it, saying "Really Lan-Fan?"

"In my defence, have you seen the prince's food bill?" Lan-Fan defensively asked. There was silence for a few seconds.

"I feel for you," He said before running off to buy his tickets.

* * *

_I never seem to write about Lan-Fan...I can imagine her teaching little kids how to be mini-ninjas xD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	55. Chapter 55

**55. You could pretend to be a ghost.**

That year at the military, they wanted to organise a prank on the newest State Alchemist, Tim Marcoh. After seeing how timid the old man could be, in an attempt to toughen him up for military life, Mustang made it his personal mission to do so. He had arranged for Marcoh to visit Mustang's office in half an hour, and everyone-minus Hawkeye because she actually had morals- was making preperations. So far, they had set up Edward Elric on the floors it looked like he was stabbed with a knife (just a piece of metal transmuted to the inside of his shirt-alchemy at its finest readers) and had put ketchup around his body.

"Edward, look like you're dying," Mustang ordered in a serious tone. Edward looked up to glare at his superior officer.

"Cos I would know so much about that!" Edward sarcastically hissed, as he shut his eyes and made his body as still as he could. Havoc, Breda, Falman, Fuery and Alphonse looked at the blond alchemist on the floor and nodded approvingly at the scene.

"Looking good chief," Havoc grinned.

"Oh shut up," Edward mumbled. Mustang tapped the boy with his foot.

"Hush hush, dead people don't speak," Mustang reminded him, which made Edward have to resist the urge to punch him in the face increase oh so much.

Alphonse then got a marvellous idea in this plan to 'help' Tim Marcoh...

* * *

Tim Marcoh knocked on the door of Colonel Roy Mustang's office, expecting to hear people working in the office. However, Marcoh couldn't hear any source of people in there, which was odd to him considering he was called there. Slowly, he opened the door, and to his shock he saw the legendary Edward Elric lying on the floor with what appeared to be a metal pole stabbed through his chest. Tim Marcoh was rooted to the spot, and he was far too shocked to even move. He made some noises which sounded like a drowning goldfish. Just then a suit of armour which had nothing in it and was holding his head stood up.

"What just happened?" The suit of armour asked before looking at Edward on the floor and screaming, "WHAT THE HELL? HOW CAN MY BODY BE THERE? AHH! I'M NOT IN MY BODY! I'VE TURNED INTO A GHOST, BUT I WAS A LIVE A FEW MINUTES AGO! WHAT THE HE-" The suit of armour never got to finish what he was going to say as it suddenly turned limp and fell to the floor with a loud crash.

* * *

"We didn't mean to give him a panic attack," Alphonse guiltily said as they stood outside of Tim Marcoh's hospital room.

"Besides, if he's a good doctor he should've been able to tell the blood wasn't real," Edward pointed out, and was confused by this thought when finding out he also was a doctor.

Mustang just sighed.

"Maybe Hawkeye has a point about 'morals'," Mustang muttered.

* * *

_Marcoh seemed so frail in the series, so I obviously had to do something __like this to him. Don't worry, he was alright and got out of the hospital a few days later..._

_Alphonse is really mean lately in my chapters xD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	56. Chapter 56

**56. Alphonse could wear fridge magnets.**

After the invention of the refrigerator, some people simply felt that they looked too plain-just a large metal box sitting in the corner of your kitchen isn't all too pleasing to the eye after all. So somebody had decided to put a magnet on the bottom of random pictures and put them on their fridge, hence fridge magnets were invented.

Little did Edward Elric know that his little brother would get as addicted to them as collecting badges is for others.

* * *

"Morning brother!" Alphonse happily chirped, waking up his brother. Edward rubbed his eyes and when his vision was at its usual level his eyes fell on an unusual sight. His little brother was covered in the most tackiest fridge magnets. He probably had at least ten mini pair of sunglasses on his left leg _alone, _about twenty more than necessary kitten fridge magnets, a fake bumble bee one, a chibi shark, a pot of honey and oddly enough, a mini pair of scales. And there was more.

"Alphonse, what the hell's on you?" Edward asked, torn between being completely confused and laughing.

"What?" Alphonse innocently asked.

"You-the magnets-what?" Edward couldn't even muster up enough brain energy to create a perfectly comprehendible sentence.

"Oh," Alphonse said, "These are fridge magnets."

"I KNOW THAT!" Edward shouted, throwing his pillow into Alphonse's face (who caught it and tossed it to the ground), "I mean, why're you wearing them?"

"Oh," Alphonse repeated, "People with human bodies wear lots of pins at once, so this is my version."

"But...why?" Edward groaned. Alphonse instantly put his guilt trap into works.

"Brother...I never had the chance to being in armour," Alphonse mumbled, "Now I've found an alternative, shouldn't you be happy?"

"Err, but aren't you too-"Edward began to ask before Alphonse pointed at him.

"DISCRIMATOR!" Alphonse shouted, "YOU THINK ONLY PEOPLE WITH HUMAN BODIES CAN BE OBSESSED WITH SILLY FADS? YOU'RE ON!" Alphonse walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"Ugh...that means he'll get more," Edward groaned loudly, "I don't want my brother to be a walking fridge magnet collection."

* * *

_All the magnets I listed? Those are some of the ones on my grandmother's fridge (But not as many as I said) I know. She's awesome :P_

_Alphonse is right, he should be allowed to get obsessed to silly fads if he wishes to!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	57. Chapter 57

**57. He can be a portable microwave if you put a heater in his armour (Anime Logic. Huzzah.)**

While travelling on the road, a few miles to the city you wish to go to, you may see a tempting deceased cow on the side of the road. Amazingly, this exact situation happened to the Elric brothers on their way to Dublith.

"Look! Food~" Edward cheered, running towards the cow, Alphonse closely following.

"Poor thing," Alphonse sympathetically sighed. Edward however was not so merciful, as he transmuted two knifes from the dirt in the ground and cut the cow into smaller parts (strangely there was only meat in this cow, no meat or organs) with Alphonse not watching.

"Don't worry Al, this cow only has meat in it, no guts," Edward called to his brother. Alphonse walked back to his brother.

"How're you going to eat it though?" Alphonse asked, "We don't have any matches, and it's not like you're the Flame Alchemist."

"True...wait!" Edward suddenly ran to his suitcase which was lying a few metres away and pulled out a mini-heater.

"That won't be enough to cook it," Alphonse legitimately pointed out. Edward evil grinned.

"Not on its own Alphonse, not on its own..."

* * *

"You're lucky this cow had no blood, otherwise I'd never do this," Alphonse mumbled angrily as he was sitting down with part of a cow cooking in his armour. How? Because metal conducts heat well, Alphonse's armour would heat up which would also heat up the meat.

"Thank you brother~" Edward bowed to his brother, smelling the scent of meat. "I think it's done!"

Alphonse opened his chest plate to reveal a perfectly cooked hamburger. Edward picked it up swearing (it was hot, but he didn't expect that) and quickly put it in his mouth and swallowed as fast as he could.

"Y'know," Edward said with his mouth full, "We could make a fortune from that."

"You mean a microwave?" Alphonse asked. Edward snapped his fingers.

"That's why it seemed familiar," Edward nodded in a professional manner, making Alphonse groan.

* * *

_If he can be a freezer, he can be a microwave too!  
Sorry for another Anime logic chapter people, I just wanted to do another one._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	58. Chapter 58

**58. Can pretend that he is two people in one body**

"Brother, can you pass me that tin of polish?" Alphonse politely asked his older brother from where he was on the kitchen floor. His armour was a little dull, and Alphonse wanted to make it gleam.

"Sure," Edward hopped off from his seat and went to the cupboard where they kept the stuff where they weren't sure the stuff was meant to be in and passed the tin to Alphonse. Alphonse accepted it and read the label. He then threw it dramatically threw the tin to floor.

"What the hell is that crap?" Alphonse shouted strangely out of character. Something didn't seem right-his voice was an octave lower and had only a small resemblance to Alphonse's voice. Edward didn't even get angry at his brother. He just stared at his brother, blinking a couple of times.

"Hey, stop that!" Alphonse's original voice came back, and he began to clutch his head in what appeared to be agony, "Leave my body alone!"

"No way, I like it here!" The demon-ish voice growled, "It's definitely roomy in this body."

"Stay out!" Alphonse shouted.

"You get out of here kid!"

"But it was my body in the first place!" Alphonse truthfully pointed out before turning to Edward, "Don't just stand there Edward, help me!"

Edward was a man who believed in science, not magic. It was very un-scientifical to have a soul roaming in a suit of armour, least of all one which already had a soul attached to it. Edward also didn't believe in ghosts, so there was only one explanation to all of this...

"Al, stop kidding around," Edward laughed, tapping his brother's head, "I'll admit you had me there for a second."

"Aww, so close," Alphonse laughed, "But how did you know that it wasn't Pride controlling me with his shadows?"

Edward's scientifical logic had been proven wrong. He only could do what was logical then-act it out.

"I saw no shadow," He stated. Alphonse laughed.

"Just because you can't see something, doesn't mean it doesn't exist brother."

Edward slowly got up and walked over to a corner in the kitchen to sulk over his logic.

* * *

_This was based of Greed and Ling- if Edward wasn't with him when he got the Stone in him, I can imagine Edward not believing it, so I did the same with his younger brother xD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	59. Chapter 59

**59. Won't get tired when walking long distances.**

The Elrics had been walking all around Risembool in search of a bakery. Due to the fact that said brothers hadn't visited Risembool for three years and Winry refused to help them, as revenge for breaking her auto mail, they had walked around five miles in search of a bakery. Alphonse was as chipper as ever, walking tall, upright and had steady footing. His brother meanwhile had trouble putting his foot one after the other-and not just as he was walking on a spare leg so he was not used to it.

"Al," Edward whined ten paces behind his brother, "Can we take a break yetttt?"

"No," Alphonse replied, "Otherwise it'll be too late by the time we get back to the house."

"Well yeah, but I'm tired~" Edward whined, sitting on the middle of the gravel road as an act of rebellion. Alphonse sat on the floor opposite his brother.

"If you want, we can turn back," Alphonse offered. Edward shook his head stubbornly.

"No, I want some fresh baguettes," Edward claimed.

"Then we have to keep walking forward to arrive," Alphonse (strangely philosophical considering what they were doing) explained.

"You're lucky Al," Edward said as he stood up on his feet again, "You're not tired one bit are you?"

"Nope!" Alphonse replied a little bit too energetically for Edward's liking.

* * *

"Do you see a shop yet?" Alphonse asked his brother. Edward nodded his head and pointed north west.

"Yup, over there!" Edward sighed with relief, "Let's go!"

Running into the store, every shopper in the bakery was mildly surprised to see what appeared to be a ten year old boy riding a large suit of armour piggyback style.

* * *

_Heh, when he's 15 he still passes as a kid to normal people xD_

_The mental picture of Edward riding on Alphonse's back while running into a shop at full charge was too great a mental picture to ignore._

_Also to stick to the true meaning of a drabble fic, these might be getting 50-100 words shorter._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	60. Chapter 60

**60. He can make it so he has a finger gun.**

It was a large area where the three of them were having a shoot-out fight. Currently, Edward was hiding behind some rocks with a potato gun as his weapon of choice, Mustang was high above, squatting in some trees with a water gun. Alphonse?

Alphonse was currently below Mustang and he appeared to be unarmed. Mustang took this chance to aim his water gun at Alphonse's front (Mustang didn't want to get his blood seal wet) and squirted at Alphonse. Al, who was expecting this, rolled to the side and aimed his index finger on his left hand at Mustang and shot pellets at the thirty year old Colonel.

Mustang was so surprised by this that he fell out of his spot in the tree and landed on the floor on his head.

"Ugh," Mustang groaned, getting up on his feet, "I can honestly say that I didn't see that coming. Nice work Al."

"Thanks!" Alphonse laughed, "With this darling I don't have to carry around a large gun and it's small."

Just then, Edward charged up at them screaming "AHHHH! TAKE THIS!" and shot parts of potato at the two of them. Mustang and Alphonse fired back at the teen, Mustang's gun making the potato soggy and fall to the floor and Alphonse's hitting Edward in the face.

It was painful.

"Ah, damn," Edward cursed, rubbing his left cheek where the pellets hit him, "Al that was sneaky!"

"I know," Alphonse chuckled before pointing his left hand at Mustang so his index finger resembled the barrel of a gun and the rest of the hand the gun.

"I've always wanted to do this," Alphonse giggled before saying, "Bam, bam, bam!" and shooting three pellets to the timing of his voice. Mustang got three bullets to the chest, and to help the dream of Alphonse Elric be further fulfilled, slowly and dramatically fell to the floor and made it look like he died.

"Best. Day. Ever," Alphonse and Elric cheered at the same time, Alphonse for having one of his dreams fulfilled and Edward for seeing his boss get shot.

* * *

_C'mon, don't you wish you could shoot something from your finger and pretend it was a gun? xD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	61. Chapter 61

**61. Is invincible at the game Green Light, Red Light**

Because they were visiting Risembool, the three teenagers decided it would be nostalgic to play the game that they always would when they were younger, Red Light, Green Light. Currently Edward was covering his eyes and facing the tree while the other two waited for him to start.

"Green Light," Edward called out. From where they stood twenty metres away, Winry and Alphonse began to run up to Edward.

"Red Light," Edward called to them clearly as he turned on the spot to inspect the situation. Alphonse was completely still, as he didn't need to move to breathe and never got the urge to shift his weight from one foot to the other, in short he had no reason to move so he wasn't moving. Winry on the other hand was shaking where she stood.

"Winry, go back," Edward said to her. Surprisingly she went down with a fight and just huffed to herself as she walked back to the starting line. Edward turned round to face the tree again.

"Green Light," He slowly began to say. Both Winry and Alphonse were running to see who could tap Edward on the shoulder first. Winry caught up to Alphonse quite quickly, however this proved to be a bad idea very soon.

"Red Light," Edward spun on his heel only to be greeted with a teenage girl running into his stomach. Alphonse, while this was going on, snuck up behind his brother and tapped him on the shoulder. When Edward turned to face the suit of armour while Winry moved off Edward while blushing, Alphonse kept his armour completely still, so still it seemed like no-one was in there (his spirit is in the armour, doesn't need to be tangible).

"Well, maybe it was my imagination, but Winry slightly moved so that makes Alphonse the winner," Edward sarcastically stated. Winry sighed.

"This is the twentieth game we've played, and half of that time Alphonse has been by the tree," Winry pointed out, "It's not fair playing against someone who is the master at this." She began to walk back to the Rockbell Estate.

Alphonse didn't know whether to be sad that he couldn't play anymore or glad that he made his stubborn friend quit at something.

* * *

_This was going to be longer, my explanation is here: ht tp :/ /fmacrusherxx. Devianta rt. co m/journal/39529273_

_Seriously, if you haven't of this game, google it then play it, it's so fun~_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	62. Chapter 62

**62. If he accidently pokes himself in the eye, it wouldn't hurt.**

Mustang and Alphonse Elric were filling out paperwork together- Edward was having a late lunch in the canteen. And Riza made Alphonse work with the Colonel so he could stop him from procrastinating. They had been working for about twenty minutes, and the effects could already be seen. Alphonse's mind was wondering and he would find it hard to read all the writing, let alone the small print. Mustang's handwriting was getting sloppy and he wasn't focusing.

"Colonel Sir?" Alphonse asked, "Is there any chance that we can take a break soon? More for your sake than mine, but I'm tired."

"I know Al," Mustang let out a large yawn before continuing, "But if it's not finished, the Führer's work would be delayed, hence my promotion would be delayed...I can dream," Mustang muttered the last part. Mustang then rubbed his eyes, and accidently poked himself in the eye with the tip of the ballpoint pen.

"OWWWW~," Mustang cried in pain, rubbing his eye which had turned an unusual shade of pink and was watering.

"Are you okay?" Alphonse asked, rushing over to the Colonel to see if his eye was watering blood (_I've seen it in real life. Not a pretty sight, but it is awesome.) _.

"Ow, damnit," Mustang groaned, blinking his eye multiple times, "I'm okay now Alphonse."

"Okay," Alphonse went back to his desk and continued the process of the paper torture, otherwise known as paperwork. Alphonse noticed that there was a mosquito which had taken a liking to sitting on the rim of Alphonse's right eye.

"Get out," Alphonse muttered at it, poking himself in the eye to make it fly off, which it did. Mustang witnessed this and sighed.

"I wish my eyes were invincible..." Mustang wistfully wished aloud, "But let's face it; my eyes are prettier than yours."

* * *

_Let's face it, at one time or another all of us have poked ourselves in the eye._

_Also 500 reviews? *hugs every single reviewer* Thank you so much!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	63. Chapter 63

**63. Al will never understand the feeling of living on caffeine to stay awake.**

All of Mustang's men had been ordered by one of the Generals to do the night guard duties at Eat HQ. Alphonse, Edward, Riza and Havoc were guarding the Northern and Western sides of the HQ, while Mustang and the rest of his men guarded the Southern and Eastern sides. It was about two in the morning, and most of the crew members, not being spring chicks, felt the toll on them.

"Hey Havoc, can you make some more coffee please?" Riza asked Havoc with a yawn. Havoc who was currently sipping away on a cup of the caffeinated drink.

"Isn't there any left in the pot we made ten minutes ago?" Havoc asked back. Edward looked up from his binoculars.

"Yeah...funny story," Edward let out a large yawn, "But are you sure it makes you stay awake? I feel like a brick wall has more energy than me at the moment."

"What are you guys talking about?" Alphonse suddenly started jogging on the spot with no sign of fatigue, "It's a beautiful night, look at all the starts! Plus, why would you want to waste the night doing something like sleeping?"

"Well some of us need it," Havoc replied to the suit of armour, rubbing his eyes and slapping his face to try and stay awake, "Besides all we're doing here is sitting."

"I agree," Riza sighed.

"Well if you're looking for something to do...let's play I Spy," Alphonse suggested.

* * *

"Something beginning with C," Edward said. They had been at this for half an hour, and it appeared to be helping the people with human bodies stay awake, alongside the caffeinated drinks they were constantly taking in.

"Cat?" Alphonse guessed.

"No."

"Coffee?" Havoc guessed.

"Yes, so hand me a cup of the sacred liquid!" Edward yawned.

"Edward...coffee has been what you've picked for the last five turns," Riza pointed out, handing a cup to the boy who downed it like one would a shot glass.

"Yeah, probably cos I've wanted five cups of it!" Edward pointed out.

"You know, I pity you guys for having constantly down that stuff," Alphonse sympathised.

"You should be, I don't even like it," Edward replied.

* * *

_I have to agree with Ed, coffee tastes disgusting, when I pull an all nighter it's on my willpower...which is why I've only don't it about three times xD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	64. Chapter 64

**64. He can't get hiccups.**

After being dared by his mature, responsible, guardian who was also his superior commander, Edward had just finished drinking three bottles of root beer in succession otherwise said superior officer was entitled to call him Short Fry. Apart from starting to get antsy from his sudden sugar rush, the stunted blond appeared to not have any other affects.

"Well well," Mustang said, "Looks like you can handle that."

"What did you expect you bas-hicc-," Edward was suddenly interrupted by a hiccup.

"You're lucky, that hiccup saved you from a possible court martial," Mustang pointed out.

"Shut up –hicc- and just tell me how to get of these bastards!" Edward was rubbing his throat as he spoke.

"Umm, try holding your breath for twenty seconds," Alphonse suggested, remembering that used to work for him when he was younger. Edward then gulped some air and held his breath. The office was silent for a few seconds, with Mustang and Alphonse both staring intently at Edward. After about seven seconds, Edward started to breathe again.

"Well, I can't do it with you guys watching me," Edward pointed out.

"Well looks like you're stuck with them," Alphonse instantly gave up on his brother's situation.

"Fine," Edward sulked, crossing his arms, "But I'll reme-hicc-mber this when you get hiccups."

"And that won't be at least for a couple weeks, so by the time I can actually get hiccups you would have forgotten," Alphonse replied, skipping out of the room, "Mustang, good luck putting up with him~"

* * *

_When proof reading this, there was line in this that made me say That's what she said XD see what you can come up with from this chapter and I'll tell you if it's the same line!_

_What can I say? We all get hiccups...but I love getting them xD cos I randomly scare people with them_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	65. Chapter 65

**65. Can talk for a long time.**

The annual charity drive that Central Headquarters participated in every year had been finished for the year- the workers had collected bottles of water, old clothes, packets of non-perishable food and toys for the small children. The only thing that needed to be done now was getting a speaker to deliver a speech to the soldiers about how every item helped and thanking all who participated. Sadly, the Führer means that in a literal sense, so sometimes the speech would go on for a few hours and be tedious. That's why Colonel Mustang was seeking out Alphonse Elric.

"Alphonse, can I speak to you for a minute?" Mustang called through his office. Surprised, Alphonse got up from the desk where he was watching his brother and went into the Colonel's room, shutting the door behind him.

"Would you like to have the honour of being the speaker at the charity drive celebration?" Mustang asked him.

"Sure," Alphonse accepted hesitantly, "But why me?"

"It'll be evident when you're speaking," Mustang replied, all to calmly.

* * *

"And this is the four hundredth and fifty sixth item," Alphonse picked up a small can of spaghetti loops, "This tin could give one child his dinner, so thank you...Branston Heinz." Currently he had been speaking for about three hours, and he was beginning to get bored, as were the people in their seats.

"Wow, he's been shouting loudly for three hours," One soldier whispered to another, "Why hasn't he got a sore throat yet?"

"Beats me," He whispered back, "But as long as he's speaking I guess that's all that matters."

* * *

"And finally the last item, number...five thousand, three hundred and forty two (_He had given up counting a few hundred ago_) which is a porcelain dog...if there iis a dog lover, they shall like this item," Alphonse lamely made up a reason how it would help, "And it's an anonymous donor. Well, thank you all for being so generous, let's see if we can raise more next year!"

As the whole military cheered (For raising so much and that the speech was over) Alphonse quietly muttered to himself "Raise more...as long as I'm not speaking."

* * *

_I guess being able to talk all the time has a benefit in charity work...who knew?_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	66. Chapter 66

**66. Can write for a long time.**

When one has written for a long time, a dull pain begins to grow in the fingers. This is usually quite uncomfortable but bearable. However, when that pain extends to your hand being hard to move because of the pain and it feels like your thumb is about to drop off, you know that maybe you've written enough. Edward Elric was experiencing it in his left hand (auto mail breaks pens quite easily) which was worse as it wasn't his dominant hand and stopped writing his report on Leor.

"Oww," Edward complained, cradling his sore hand with his auto mail one.

"Brother, are you alright?" Alphonse asked concerned from where he was reading the newspaper.

"Yeah, my hand kinda hurts though," Edward now massaged the space between his thumb and index finger.

"It's from the writing?" Alphonse sympathetically asked. Edward nodded.

"I have an idea then..."

* * *

"So after he got all pissed off because I beat his dangerous chimera creatures, he tried to attack me and as I beat him with my epic alchemy skills and stole his Philosopher's Stone, it turned out to be a fake," Edward recounted all that happened in Leor off the tip of his memory, "And then he kinda melted...not too sure how that worked. But now he's gone, the people of Leor won't have to listen to his idiotic preaching."

Alphonse had loyally written out a four page report for his older brother (filling in the gaps in the story that his older brother left out) and the handwriting was for the most part legible. Edward nodded approvingly when he saw what 'his' report looked like.

"Looks great Al," Edward grinned, "Now the bastard at work won't have any complaints. Thanks a lot Al!"

"No problem, glad I could help," Alphonse then thought for a second, "Wait, you have to write reports like this for every mission?"

"Yeah, that's why mine are usually so short," Edward explained.

"I see...that must be a pain," Alphonse said.

"More than you'll ever know," Edward grimaced.

* * *

_I dunno, maybe it's just how I hold my pen (which is really strange) but after writing about five minutes my thumb gets really sore and it's hard to write. Ed has it hard._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	67. Chapter 67

**67. Will win at a staring contest every time.**

"Hey brother," Alphonse enthusiastically called to Edward, who was dozing on the couch.

"Mhm?" Edward asked while stretching his arms and sitting up.

"I have made a scientific theorem today," Alphonse joyously told his brother.

"Really?" Edward asked, "And what would that be?"

"Um," Alphonse struggled to phrase it without it sounding unscientific, "If you place a human soul within an inanimate object and it has the ability to use the eye pieces...because it can never blink...I will always win at a staring contest," Alphonse meekly finished.

"Mind if I try to beat your logic?" Edward grinned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"You're on!"

"Three, two, one, go!" Edward started the match.

Edward for the first five seconds was doing well, though his left eye did begin to itch a bit. As more seconds went by, Edward's eyes began to water a little, which made his vision hazy. After fifteen seconds his eyes really were stinging and he had to unfocus his eyes to try and ease the pain.

Meanwhile Alphonse was just boredly sitting there, watching his brother's eyes get sore.

Twenty two seconds from the start of the contest, Edward couldn't resist any longer and had to blink, furiously rubbing his eyes in a hope to ease the pain.

"See?" Alphonse gloated, "You should have listened to my theorem. I thought you believed in science."

"Yeah, yeah," Edward muttered, "Congratulations."

* * *

_This was meant to go up yesterday, but I couldn't log into my account, so sorry for the wait!_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	68. Chapter 68

**68. Scare people at night while they're sleeping and you're not.**

Edward had been in a light sleep for a couple of hours; at least that was how it looked to Alphonse. He had been tossing around a lot. Alphonse considered the option that his brother was either trying to sleep or was stuck in a nightmare, but went with the former as usually Edward would look more distraught if he was having a nightmare. This knowledge made Alphonse feel better for what he was going to do next.

"Whoooo," Alphonse whispered, trying to create the sound that wind does when blowing by. Edward's eyes just stayed shut and it appeared nothing happened. Looks like he would need to try again.

"Whooooo," Alphonse whispered slightly louder and had his helmet practically next to Edward's ear. Alphonse then instantly moved back to his initial sitting position while Edward woke up, sitting bolt upright. Alphonse was looking out the window, which his brother knew was what he usually did at night.

"Hey...Al?" Edward called to his brother.

"What is it brother?" Al replied, "And why are you up? It's the middle of the night."

"Well I was trying to sleep, but I heard a strange sound," Edward looked around the room to see if anybody was there, but alas only saw his brother. Edward was beginning to get a little bit panicked.

"Really? I didn't hear anything," Alphonse's voice was quieter than before, and it sounded like he was trying to muffle something in his voice. Edward suspiciously turned on his brother.

"You...weren't doing anything, were you?"

"Of course not!" Alphonse replied to quickly. Edward began to laugh.

"You got me good there Al," Edward finished laughing and said, "Well, I appreciate a joke as much as the next guy, but I kinda want to sleep now." Edward lied down again and his snoring appeared again.

"Good night brother," Alphonse whispered and to his delight saw that Edward was now sleeping with a smile on his face.

* * *

_Moral of the story? Practical jokes help people sleep better._

_Okay, this one is cheating a bit, but not really because Alphonse is hollow so the sound he made had a metallic ring to it, something normal people can't pull off :P_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	69. Chapter 69

**69. His body could protect small animals**

When Alphonse walked into the Rockbell Estate in the afternoon, he found that it was empty, save Winry who was tinkering on what appeared to be an auto mail wrist. She turned around when she heard Alphonse shutting the door behind him and smiled at the suit of armour.

"Hey Al," Winry greeted him, "Granny's out at the moment with Ed to go visit the cemetery. It's been a while since Edward's been."

"Yeah," Alphonse replied, "Hopefully it'll be good for him."

What sounded like scratching noises could be heard from Alphonse's stomach. Winry narrowed her eyes.

"Al, is there anything in you?" Winry suspiciously asked.

'Well, nothing suspicious," Alphonse carefully opened his chest plate and took out a small turtle, "But because Edward isn't here I'll explain. I saw this turtle being pecked by some birds, and if I left it out there, this poor little guy might have been stabbed to death by the birds, so he's staying in my armour for the night, so then he'll be safe."

"Ah, I get it," Winry's face softened and she smiled, "So technically you're going to be a suit of armour for the baby turtle then?"

"If you put it like that, sure!" Alphonse began to laugh, placing the turtle inside him and shutting his chest plate, "Just don't tell brother okay? He only thinks I collect cats, he won't suspect the turtle."

"Sure thing," Winry agreed.

"Don't tell me what?" Edward asked as he stepped into the room. Alphonse, used to this scenario quickly responded "I didn't want to tell you, but today is Blame Somebody Else Day!"

"Alphonse was the one who broke my auto mail," Edward pointed at Alphonse accusingly while Winry face palmed.

'Heh, now the turtle is safe,' Alphonse thought to himself.

* * *

_It really is Blame Somebody Else Day today! :D_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	70. Chapter 70

**70. He can get blown in the wind easier than others.**

Outside there had been a terrible wind blowing for the last few hours, and it was showing no signs of calming down. This meant that Alphonse was stuck inside his dormitory alongside his brother who was taking this chance to complain about this predicament.

"Okay, let me get this straight," Edward began his rant to his brother, both of them sitting by the kitchen table, "So we aren't accepted by God because we committed a terrible taboo, which I do admit was my fault completely."

"Brother," Alphonse said trying to stop him, but saw that Edward hadn't finished yet.

"So that I can understand. But now Mother Nature hates us too? The day that we run out of _bread, _an essential food, there's a wind so bad outside that it's hard to just open the door. What. The. Hell. Seriously, it's not like we ever did anything to nature-Mustang. That child born out of wedlock* sets stuff on fire so nature is taking its wrath out on all of us. Why I outta show that guy..."

Edward was too busy ranting to notice his younger brother walk away from the table, walk out of the dorm, go to the bottom floor and after some struggling, open the door to the entrance of the building.

"Honestly, if brother complains any more I'll go crazy," Alphonse muttered to himself as he walked outside. Just then there was a strong breeze of wind, which made Alphonse's feet lose contact with the ground for a few seconds.

"Why was I blown in the air?" Alphonse panicked, "Why? Oh, I get it now. Because I'm a suit of armour which is empty, my mass is lighter than that of a human's body...let's have some fun with this!"

Alphonse spent the next hour going into a Superman pose whenever there was a strong gust of wind which took his feet off the ground for a few seconds.

* * *

_*For the younger viewers I use censorship :)_

_C'mon, Al pretending to be Superman and flying for a couple of seconds? You know you'd pay lots to see that._

_-AEW Alchemist_


	71. Chapter 71

**71. Run a cattery internally**

Along with the full truth of the Philosopher's Stone, the true intentions of the Homunculus and exactly how Winry's wrenches hurt Edward badly without giving him permanent damage, there is another mystery surrounding Amestris-how does Alphonse pick up so many stray cats? Surely there aren't stray cats everywhere in Amestris? You'd be right, there aren't stray cats everywhere (at least in Amestris).

So where does he get all the cats from?

Alphonse had snuck out of the dormitory while his brother was taking a nap in the middle of the day. As soon as Alphonse got outside of the building, there was a little girl with pigtails who had a stubborn look on her face.

"I want to see Mr. Fluff again," She stated, stretching out her arms.

"Well yes, but I need my money first," Alphonse reminded her, "If my brother ever found about this, he'd get so mad. And food and travel costs."

"I don't ask you to go on holiday with my cat," The girl grumbled before pulling out a thousand cenz and handing it to Alphonse. Alphonse nodded then he opened his chest plate, where a white, fluffy kitten was looking curiously at the girl with vivid green eyes. The girl took Mr. Fluff and ran off. Alphonse waited outside for five minutes before his next customer showed up, holding what appeared to be a scared tabby cat. The boy gave his cat a final hug before placing it in Alphonse's armour, and Alphonse swiftly shut his armour shut so the cat wouldn't get scared and run off anywhere.

"How long do you want him to stay with me?" Alphonse asked the boy.

"A week please," The boy shyly responded, "My family is going outta town and I heard that you give the cat individual care which sounded good."

"Alright, see you next week," Alphonse waved to the boy before making his way back to the dormitory where his dormant brother didn't have a clue about what just happened.

* * *

_Alphonse running a cattery? I wanted to write this one for ages but never got around to it xD Also Ed shoulda picked up what he was doing when they suddenly got more money! _

_-AEW Alchemist_


	72. Chapter 72

**72. Great work out partner**

Alright Al, we need to work hard in this training session," Edward told his brother as the two of them made their way into the gym of East HQ. Edward instantly went to the punching bag and began roundhouse kicking the bag. Alphonse meanwhile went to the ropes and practised climbing them and jumping off them from the top to help Alphonse learn how high he could jump before his feet got broken. Every ten minutes or so, the boys would rotate what exercise they were doing (though Alphonse didn't do some of them as they were for increasing muscle, something he didn't have). It had been an hour from when they first started, and Edward looked pretty worn out and tired.

"Al, you don't look like you're tired," Edward grinned as wiped his face with a towel, "You wanna spar?"

"Okay brother," Alphonse didn't bother trying to point out that he physically couldn't get tired, as by this time in the training Edward lost the ability to form sentences which made sense.

"You Al ready?" Edward called. Alphonse nodded. Edward began running up to Alphonse and kicked Alphonse's leg with his auto mail leg. Alphonse instantly saw this coming and grabbed his leg with his left arm and picked him up and dropped his brother onto the floor (albeit softly, and there was mats on the floor). Edward pulled himself up and charged to the front of Alphonse to try and give him a direct blow to the stomach. Alphonse kicked his brother with his right leg, and his kick was powerful enough to make Edward tumble onto the floor. Edward got up once again, and the same thing happened.

Edward lay on the floor, slightly panting.

"You not tired still?" Edward called to his brother.

"Brother, I can't actually get worn out as I'm armour," Alphonse decided to point out his brother's mistake.

"Oh right," Edward panted, "I was busy training so forgot about that. But you make a good sparring partner for me."

"Thanks, so then let's continue," Alphonse got into a fighting stance.

"Right," Edward grinned as he charged at Alphonse once again.

Half an hour later it became official that Alphonse was victorious in the sparring match-not necessarily because of his skills, but mainly because Edward was worn out. But that meant he did his job- Edward had pushed himself to his farthest, and Alphonse by not getting tired helped him train.

* * *

_This is why I don't write fight scenes_ -.-

_I made Edward speak kinda funny when he got tired because that's what happens to me xD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	73. Chapter 73

**73. Can fool mood rings.**

"Guys, look what I found," Winry excitedly cheered as she burst into the guest room of the Rockbell estate where Edward was currently oiling Alphonse's armour.

"What is it?" Alphonse asked, trying to lean in closer to see what was in her hands before Edward tugged him back to continue oiling him.

"This," Winry proudly held out a ring which had what appeared to be a blue gem in it.

"A ring?" Edward sceptically asked.

"Not just any ring, a mood ring," Winry explained, "Let me show you how it works. You put it on your finger like so," Winry slipped the ring on her finger, "And whatever colour it turns shows you your mood."

They waited for a few seconds, and the ring turned a red/pink colour.

"Wow," Alphonse awed over it.

"Okay, so what does that mean?" Edward asked, still not believing it.

"Well, red is anger, but as it's not completely red never mind," Winry hurried to take the ring off with the faintest of blushes.

"Can I try it?" Alphonse asked.

"Al, you know it's a cheap toy which corporations made to build up hope in children that an inanimate object could detect your mood," Edward reminded him, "Only to then remember that they can figure out their mood on their own. Besides, it's not scientifical," Edward justified his mini rant.

"Right, that was fascinating and all, but," Alphonse turned away while Winry squished Alphonse's glove a little bit to be able to put it on, "I want to see if it can even detect the mood of a suit of armour."

"Ooh, good idea," Edward suddenly was intrigued.

The mood at first went back to the neutral colour of blue. Then it started to turn pitch black, then go to grey and white and continued to do that.

"Winry, what do these colours mean?" Alphonse asked.

"I dunno," Winry replied. The mood ring suddenly did the colour changing at a faster rate until there became a crack down the centre of the ring. Suddenly it cracked into hundreds of little pieces.

"Maybe Alphonse is super angry," Edward commented.

* * *

_Ah I love mood rings but never once did they guess my actual mood xD_

_-AEW Alchemist_


	74. Chapter 74

**74. A mind reader technically couldn't read his mind.**

"Hey Al, I had a strange thought today," Breda called out to the suit of armour whilst swinging on his chair. Alphonse turned to look at him.

"Yeah? What is it?" Alphonse asked.

"Well, you know mind readers?" Breda paused and continued when Alphonse nodded, "Well they would technically need to read your brain wouldn't they to get to your thoughts?"

"I guess," Alphonse replied, scratching his head. It was rather a perplexing thought, until Alphonse remembered something quite important.

"But mind readers don't exist in real life," Alphonse pointed out. Breda shrugged.

"Maybe," Breda agreed, "But don't you feel happy over the thought of if there was a mind reader all of your thoughts would be safe?"

"True," Alphonse murmured. A couple of minutes later, while everyone was working, he got up, did an Armstrong pose and laughed. Naturally, this caused the fellow occupants of the office to stare at him.

"All you significant beings, you poor things," Alphonse took pity on them for a second, "My thoughts are unknown and always will be! No mind reader will be able to read my mind!"

"To be fair, I don't mind hiding my thoughts on how you look now," Havoc mumbled behind his cigarette.

* * *

_I was actually going to write in a mind reader until I realised that Breda hardly shows up and that this way was more fun ^.^_

_HOLY SCHNICKERDOODLES, 600 reviews? This is more popular than my other list fic! *gives out cyber cookies* Thanks so much, love you guys!_

_-Snoring Tiger (Like my new name? xD)_


	75. Chapter 75

**75. Can pretend to be a statue.**

"Wow, today sure was a tiring day today," Falman sighed to himself, carrying a small yet dense box full of what Falman assumed to be bricks judging by its weight. As he set the box down in one of the storage room on one of the underground floors in Central Headquarters., he noticed that among some random objects he had never seen before there was a statue near the wall. Falman noticed that it had a familiar outline, but he couldn't tell due to there was not much light and that he always kept his eyes squinted.

"Umm," Falman walked up to it and tapped it so it emitted a metallic sound, "Alphonse? That you?"

'_Darn that was quick for him to figure out,' _Alphonse monologue to himself, _'I heard someone was coming down but I didn't know the person would be smart! Let's see if he knows it's me or not.'_

"It sounds like it's made of metal," Falman muttered to himself, "But what would Alphonse be doing here? And even then, why wouldn't he reply to me?" Falman was suddenly interrupted by the door swinging open.

"WARRANT OFFICER FALMAN, WHAT A PLEASENT SURPRISE," Major Armstrong startled Falman, making him jump.

"Oh it's you Major Armstrong," Falman replied, rubbing his hand on the back of his head, "What are you doing down here?"

"Looking for a metal bust of me~" Armstrong began to look near some of the boxes, "My father wants to show it to some artists who are visiting to show the artistic nature of the Armstrong clan!"

"Well, there's only a statue here," Falman noted.

"Not any more," Alphonse ran out of the room, not wanting to be man-handled by a bear-human like Armstrong, "It was fun pretending to be a statue, but I gotta go!"

After Armstrong initially startling Falman and the statue suddenly coming to life, Falman found it hard to sleep for a couple of days.

* * *

_Aww, poor Falman._

_Yeah... as long as Armstrong isn't prodding him, Al will happily be a statue ^.^_

_Also for the first time in a while, congrats to Tatiyana for guessing correctly why there are 88 reasons! *claps*_

_-Snoring Tiger_


	76. Chapter 76

**76. Give rides easier than most people.**

Alphonse, Edward, Maes Hughes and Elysia were in the middle of a crowd of people, watching a magician do 'magic tricks' (A.K.A. Alchemy in disguise). As such, the only ones who could see the show was Alphonse and Hughes. Edward was balancing on his toes, not allowing himself to admit defeat to the 'tall freaks' around him, and Elysia was trying to climb onto her father's back.

"Daddy," Elysia whined, tugging on her father's sleeve, "I can't see what's going on."

"Darling, you know I'd let you on my back but lately my back's been hurting a lot," Maes replied, albeit a little bitter as he didn't like to think he was middle aged.

"Elysia, from what I can tell I can do the same stuff as this guy, no better!" Edward tried to cheer up the toddler, but she wasn't listening to the alchemist.

"I want to see the magic show!" Elysia pouted, tears threatening to show up any minute. Maes looked at his daughter for a second before he turned away from her and began to sob, saying "Sorry Elysia-chan~"

Alphonse then remembered he was tall and didn't have back issues.

"Elysia, if you want you can ride on me," Alphonse offered, "You can sit on my chest ...spike...thing, and I'll hold you. That way you'll see the magic show!"

"Yay!" Elysia instantly brightened up, "Thank you big brother Al!" Alphonse bent down, allowing the little girl to scramble onto the shiny metal armour and sat down on Alphonse's protruding, flat spike. Holding onto Elysia's hands, Alphonse rose to his full height and to her delight she could see again.

"Alphonse m'boy, I'm proud of you~" Maes instantly came out of his depression to clap Alphonse on the back.

"I'm still better than that guy on the stage," Edward sulked.


	77. Chapter 77

**77. No matter what he's holding, Alphonse will look awesome/scary.**

Alphonse had gone shopping with Winry all day, and as a result of many puppy-dog eyes Alphonse was now currently holding all of her shopping bags, with bags ranging from girl's clothing to shoes. Considering he was a suit of armour, a symbol of battle, he did get a few strange looks from other pedestrians who walked by Winry and Alphonse. As they were taking a break, Alphonse voiced his concern to Winry.

"Winry, do I look strange?" Alphonse asked. Winry blinked.

"You look like normal Al," Winry replied, "I mean, it's kind of hard to change the look of a suit of armour, isn't it?"

"No, by carrying these bags," Alphonse motioned to the shopping bags in his hand, "I think it seems strange that a suit of armour is carrying them...it makes me feel like I'm less manly."

Winry couldn't help but giggle at that.

"Alphonse, I don't think that's why people are looking," Winry explained, "It's the fact that you still maintain an air of badass-ery _while _holding the bags," When Alphonse gave her an aura of confusion, Winry continued, "I mean because armour looks tough and strong and awesome, it means you could anything and still maintain that aura. Get what I mean?"

Alphonse nodded while rummaging through her bags to pull out a blue silk dress. He delicately cradled it in his hands.

"Even holding a dress I look intimidating?" Alphonse sceptically asked. Winry nodded.

"It still looks like you could cause some serious damage to anyone," Winry complimented him. Alphonse then put it carefully back in the bag before pulling out a large black bag and placing the strap on his shoulder.

"And now?"

Winry was silent for a few seconds.

"Well, now I know what you're wearing for Halloween," Winry mumbled.

* * *

_Okay so this one is kind of bland. I wanted to use this idea but wasn't sure how to execute it in one-shot fashion as opposed to just an explanation. And if you saw a suit of armour wearing a purse/bag, you'd be kinda freaked out._

_-Snoring Tiger_


	78. Chapter 78

**78. Can't get turned into a vampire.**

The Elric brothers had already visited laboratories one and two, and they had seen some pretty disturbing, unfinished, bloody mutational scientific research there. After visiting the first two laboratories the boys were slightly concerned about what the military was actually doing without the public knowing. However, in interest of finding the Philosopher's Stone, they decided to push ahead and visit laboratory three.

When they arrived at the laboratory, Alphonse hesitated before transmuting the door lock open. Both of the boys walked in the room. It was covered in alchemic text and papers scattered on the floor and a rather large, basic transmutation circle painted on the wall. Alphonse and Edward instantly became less tense when there appeared to be no blood anywhere.

"Brother, I think this one is abandoned," Alphonse spoke, "Nothing's here."

"I think you're-wait, what's that?" Edward pointed to a rather large black figure which was hanging on one of the support beams of the ceiling. Both of the boys shuffled quietly until they were directly under the strange object.

"Whatever it is, it's breathing," Alphonse pointed out. It was true-it was slowly moving slightly up and down. Suddenly without warning the animal dropped onto the ground and transformed into a human.

"Greetings," The strange man with unusually large canine teeth greeted the two boys. Edward and Alphonse let out high-pitched yelps.

"What the hell are you?" Edward accused the man more than asked, pointing an accusing finger at him.

"Isn't it obvious?" The stranger replied like his intentions were obvious.

"Not really," Alphonse shrugged. The stranger suddenly turned to face Alphonse, glaring.

"I wanta suck yer blood!" The man dramatically stated before charging at Alphonse and biting into the metal of Alphonse's 'neck'. After he sunk his teeth into it, he instantly moved away from Alphonse, crying in pain.

"Ow! What in the name of _sânge__ (_**blood in Romanian**_) _are you made of?" The stranger moaned, "And why aren't you a vampire now?"

"Oh, that's what you are," Edward was suddenly enlightened before remembering what just happened. "Hey Al, we should leave him here to mope."

"Okay," Alphonse and Edward left the vampire (though Edward and Alphonse assumed he was a bat-chimera created by the military which is more accurate) and as they were walking up, Alphonse suddenly laughed.

"I just realised I beat a mythical legend without even moving," Alphonse laughed, "That made my day~"

* * *

_One of the more strange chapters I'll admit, and probably not as funny as the rest but gosh darn it, three days back at school I'm already tired._

_-Snoring Tiger_


	79. Chapter 79

**79. He can be moved by magnets.**

Due to Mustang wanting to make his average work day more entertaining and still be considered working, Mustang decided that he would accompany Edward and Alphonse to investigate a suspicious building near an Ishbalan slum. Little did he know his day would get a whole lot better...

"Damnit," Edward cursed when he noticed a few magnets get attracted to his leg. Unknown to Mustang and the Elrics, the building was a shut-down magnet company which had gone bankrupt a few months previously. They were only in the main office, but Mustang was curious to see if there were any more magnetic objects in the vicinity.

"Nice accessories you boys have," Mustang smugly smirked at both of the boys. Edward had got a few stuck on his arm now and was struggling to pull them off. Alphonse also got a few stuck to his legs and unbeknownst to him there was one on the back of his helmet.

"I'll investigate downstairs, care to accompany me?" Mustang offered. Edward shook his head.

"No way in hell bastard," Edward bluntly replied.

"I'll go," Alphonse offered. Mustang secretly smirked-Alphonse was made of 100% metal. Both of them followed a flight of stairs which led to a basement. They were walking in silence until-

"Woah, what the heck?" Alphonse suddenly cried out after a large crashing sound. Mustang was too tempted and turned around to see Alphonse was stuck to the wall.

"I'm guessing there's magnetic substances on the other side of that wall," Alphonse grumbled while Mustang, to use the scientific term, was currently laughing his arse off.

"Colonel, could you please help me?" Alphonse helplessly asked. Mustang calmed down for a second before nodding. As soon as he tugged Alphonse's right arm off the wall it instantly got stuck again, which made Mustang burst into childish giggles.

"You laugh now, but just remember that the wall was stronger than you," Alphonse pointed out, making Mustang stop laughing.

Mustang actually had to call reinforcements just to get Alphonse off the wall.

* * *

_Yes it's an overused joke about magnets, but c'mon, you guys still love me right? Also, Al being stuck to a wall like a starfish is kinda funny to think of...at least to me._

_-Snoring Tiger_


	80. Chapter 80

**80. He can 'disappear' easily.**

Checking to make sure that nobody else was around on the streets in the dark in East City, Alphonse hurriedly shuffled through the city streets, being careful as to stay out of the vicinity of the street nights. Normally he wouldn't bother to conceal his presence when walking down a street (except when certain people are chasing him and his brother and trying to kill them) but Alphonse was slightly nervous. He sighed with relief when he arrived at his destination: a brick wall. The wall itself wasn't important to Alphonse; it was what was illustrated in graffiti on the wall. A few days ago some kids had used spray paint to write "Dogs are better than cats" on the wall*. Alphonse, who highly disagreed with this statement, took out his red spray can he transmutated a few hours ago and, feeling like a delinquent, sprayed over the word "Dogs" and replaced it with "Cats".

"That should do the trick," Alphonse muttered, satisfied with his work as he turned away from the wall. Just as he was about to leave, he heard two pairs of footsteps running towards him.

"Stop you vandal!" One of them shouted and to Alphonse's dismay it sounded like that the two men were Military Police. Alphonse at first panicked before thinking of a smart way to not get caught.

"Huh?" The same man who shouted earlier seemed confused.

"No-one's here," The second man said.

"Well, there is a suit of armour," They both bent down to further inspect said armour. Alphonse was completely still and prayed his trick would work.

"Take off the helmet," The first man instructed. Alphonse's head was removed and, as Alphonse's blood seal couldn't be seen as it was too dark, nothing was seen inside the suit of armour.

"We'll catch those damn kids next time," They both got to their feet and walked off. After a couple of minutes, Alphonse picked up his helmet and placed it back on his head and decided it was safe enough to walk in the streets again.

* * *

*_Keep in mind this takes place in about the 1910's, as such rebellion was only in its beginning. Hence this would be seen as rebellion in their time._

_-Snoring Tiger_


	81. Chapter 81

**81. He would be a great mascot for armour shops.**

A few weeks prior, Alphonse had been in a bit of a bad condition-rust was starting to form on his arms, and Edward and Alphonse couldn't find any rust-prevention substances to cure it. Alphonse was finding it hard to move his arms. One day, while they were walking through Central Park, a man who specialised in metal gave the two boys a pot of oil which efficiently removed the rust.

Alphonse wanted to make it up to him, so after getting Hughes to do a bit of background research found out that the man had an armour shop in a side-street in Central. Alphonse decided that he would advertise for him. He stood outside of the shop (without asking the shop owner first) and waited for passer-bys to pass by. After a few minutes, a stout man walked down the road-Alphonse's first 'customer'.

"Excuse me dear sir," Alphonse stopped the man which he got a glare in return, "But you look like the type of man who is fascinated by metals and rust."

The man blinked.

"Actually, I don't give a dam-"He began to say before being interrupted by Alphonse.

"Great to hear! So you want to know why this shop is better than others?" Alphonse asked.

"I've got to go, it's my daughter's birthday-"The man tried to escape but was yet again stopped by Alphonse. Checking left and right, Alphonse leaned in close only to take off his helmet and reveal his empty body.

"What the?" The man cried in shock. He stood there for a few seconds, blinked a little bit then peered into Alphonse's body.

"Amazing," The man whispered in awe, "This shop made an inanimate suit of armour spring to life?"

"Er, what I meant was look how shiny my body is, but sure!" Alphonse muttered the first part.

"Forget my daughter's birthday, this is way more interesting!" The man ran away from Alphonse and into the shop.

Alphonse awkwardly chuckled.

"Now I don't know whether to be happy or not that that worked," Alphonse mumbled nervously.


	82. Chapter 82

**82. No-one wants to fight you when you're pissed off.**

It had been a rather long day for the Elric brothers. Firstly, Edward was finding it hard to walk because his ports where his auto mail were were aching rather badly as it was raining. Then they had just missed their train to Eastern Headquarters by ten minutes and had to wait five hours for a new train. Now Edward was grumbling about how the world was conspiring against him, and whenever Alphonse tried to console his brother Edward would just snap back. Now Alphonse was (for once) in a rather bad mood.

When a pickpocket showed up, naturally Alphonse's mood didn't increase.

A small, rather rat-like man was sneaking around and tried to still the little money the boys had left from Edward's pocket. Edward was too busy brooding to notice what was happening, so Alphonse decided to deal with the man. He fiercely tugged the man by the shoulder away from his brother.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Alphonse demanded loudly, earning the attention of everyone at the train station, including Edward as he rarely heard his brother shout.

"JUST STEALING STUFF FROM OTHER PEOPLE; THAT'S JUST A DISGRACE! YOU ALSO DID THIS ON THE ONE DAY THAT I SERIOUSLY FEEL LIKE RIPPING OUT THE INTESTINES OF ANYONE WHO ANNOYS ME! DO YOU WANT TO FIGHT?" Alphonse leant in and focused his red, glowing eyes on the man's quivering blue eyes. The pick pocket began shaking like a leaf and yelped and quivered as he ran off in fright from what appeared to be a rather strong and deadly suit of armour with a pissed off aura.

* * *

_A suit of armour yelling at you, that would definitely freak me out XD_

_-Snoring Tiger_


	83. Chapter 83

**83. People would move out of your way in a queue if you 'asked'.**

Both of the brothers were staring at the clock, obsessed with it and wondering why the second hand was moving too slow. Although they had been waiting for four and a half hours, it felt way longer. Alphonse was still on edge and Edward was grumpy too so the brothers gave up on communication with each other at least two hours ago. Finally, their train pulled into the station, and both boys jumped out of their seats and ran over to it. They were finally going to get rid of the awkward and pissy atmosphere and soon be able to smile again and laugh with each other.

Until they saw that other people had the same idea as them, and they were at the back of a large queue of people.

Seeing how slow the passengers were boarding on the train (did it really take two minutes just to haul one suitcase onboard?) made both of the boys get more and more agitated. Edward, deciding he still had the ability to create rational sentences, muttered to his brother:

"Slick 'em Al."

Alphonse instantly understood what his brother meant and began speaking in a rather loud voice, "I've had a rather bad day today. People have just been annoying me, getting in my way and it's just starting to pile up now. In fact, all this waiting isn't serving my temper any good. I bet with this armour, if I got wound up enough to, it could easily leave a dent in somebody's skull."

His monologue seemed to be magically heard by everyone as they almost ran at the chance to clear a large pathway for the large, looming suit of armour and his brother. Both of them had their bad moods soothed and they were laughing and chatting as they pick one of the larger carriages for themselves.

"Works like a charm, works like a charm," Edward grinned at his brother.

* * *

_A sequel to yesterday's chapter :) It's a good thing he doesn't act like this too often in the series..._

_-Snoring Tiger_


	84. Chapter 84

**84. A good reason to legitimately do a spit take.**

Ling Yao, one of the princes of the large country Xing, and both of the Elric brothers sat down together to have lunch and discuss serious issues facing both of the teens.

"What is the food like here compared to that of Xing?" Ling asked very seriously.

"How are we meant to know?" Edward asked, slapping him over the head. Just then, all the food that they ordered earlier was stacked onto their table and soon Ling and Edward were digging in. Alphonse wasn't regretful that he wasn't able to join in-far from it in fact. The way those two were devouring the food made him feel sick just by looking at them. For the next fifteen minutes or so all you could hear from their table was the clattering of plates and gobbling noises (they abandoned cutlery previously). Finally they finished eating their food.

"Ah, that was good~" Ling sat back and took a sip of water before facing the younger brother. "Why didn't you eat? There was plenty of food y'know."

Alphonse hesitantly looked over to Edward, who shrugged then nodded. As Ling took a calm sip of his water, Alphonse removed his helmet to reveal that there was no body in the suit of armour.

The spit take Ling Yao did caused everyone in the room to wonder if there was a flood in the middle of the streets, and Edward and Alphonse couldn't help but laugh at the prince's reaction.

"...I thought nothing shocked me these days," Ling muttered, trying to regain his composure.

* * *

_Short and sweet, short and sweet :)_

_Also, *spit takes at review count*_

_-Snoring Tiger_


	85. Chapter 85

**85. It is very hard/impossible to hurt a suit of armour in battle.**

Olivier, frustrated, panted as she slid her sword back into its sheath while glaring bloody murder at Alphonse. She couldn't figure out for the life of her _why _the boy wouldn't be affected from the deadly stab wounds she was inflicting through the suit of armour.

"What are you playing at kid?" Olivier darkly asked. Alphonse blankly looked at her (he always has eyes which looked blank in Olivier's opinion, but that's not the point).

"I'm not pulling any trick," Alphonse honestly replied, getting into a fighting stance and flying a few punches at the Ice Princess who deflected them with ease. Olivier sharply sliced through Alphonse's chest plate after she instinctively drew it. But to her chagrin, the damned teen showed no signs of pain. What the hell was he?

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Olivier questioned the suit of armour. He shrugged back.

"I guess melee attacks don't affect me," Alphonse replied.

Being the Ice Princess, one of her traits was not giving up, and her other main trait was trying to prove laws wrong. So she spent the next two hours trying to make that boy feel some pain with her attacks passed through her family for generations.

It was the first time she had to finally give up.

She couldn't stand in the same room as Alphonse without getting pissed for two months.

* * *

_Maybe someone should tell her no-one's in there? :P_

_-Snoring Tiger_


	86. Chapter 86

**86. Can wrestle with crocodiles and there would be little danger.**

Because the military at Central Headquarters decided to believe the urban legend of crocodiles living in the sewers underground, Edward and Alphonse were currently walking around in the sewage system, Edward showing signs of disgust. Who knew what was in the water that they were walking in, or what made the smell of the place so bad. Alphonse looked down to his older brother and felt bad for him.

"Brother, if you want I can do the rest of the investigation by myself," Alphonse offered. Edward initially shook his head and accidently took in a gulp of the air.

"I'll be on the streets," Edward croaked as he made his way back to the ladder to get out.

Alphonse continued to obliviously walk through the sewage system, and there was nothing to be seen for the first twenty minutes or so after Edward left.

Then as he turned one corner, a crocodile randomly started to bite his foot.

"Where did you even come from?" Alphonse yelped in shock as he bent down to try and pick up the crocodile and throw him off his foot. This crocodile was an adult one; hence it could not be moved as easily as Alphonse would have liked it to. It clung on and as Alphonse finally managed to pick it up, the crocodile squirmed around in his hands. The force of the crocodile was so great that it wrestled Alphonse into the water. There, Alphonse was fighting two battles-the crocodile and not getting his blood seal wet.

"These things are tougher than they look," Alphonse grunted as with one forceful push he managed to get the crocodile off him and push him away. The crocodile could sense Alphonse's aura and decided the best thing for it to do was to run. Alphonse then checked over the wounds on his armour once it left.

"Hmm," Alphonse calculated, "If I was in a human body, I'm not sure if I would've died from the wounds that the crocodile gave me or from the lack of hygiene in this place."

* * *

_How the heck other people do it I have no idea._

_-Snoring Tiger_


	87. Chapter 87

**87. His legs never fall asleep.**

Both of the Elric brothers had been squatting on the library floor in Central Library for an hour, and once they finished analysing the last book, Alphonse put his hands on his knees and stood up without an issue. Edward however, was having another issue.

"Damn," Edward muttered in annoyance. Alphonse leaned down over him, which further annoyed him.

"What's wrong?" Alphonse asked.

"My legs have fallen asleep," Edward muttered annoyed, "My right leg has no feeling in it, and I can't feel my auto mail for my left leg."

Alphonse offered his hand to his brother.

"I've got it," Edward stubbornly replied, though he made no move to get up. His legs were numb and he knew he would be stuck for a while.

_I'll teach brother to stop being so stubborn._ Alphonse thought to himself. Alphonse cleared his throat.

"Brother, you are short. I mean really short. So tiny that I am struggling to see you on the floor. In fact, those books are the only reason I can see where you are. A speck of dirt compared to me," Alphonse randomly declared to his brother.

"I AM NOT SHORT DAMNIT!" Edward yelled at his brother.

"What are you gonna do about it?" Alphonse teased. Edward tried moving his legs but found they were starting to get pins and needles and still wouldn't move.

"When my legs get feeling in them again I'll chase you!" Edward shouted. Alphonse began walking away.

"That could take a while," Alphonse opened the door to the entrance of the library, "By then I'll be long gone."

* * *

_Because Al is evil._

_I can't reply to reviews but I've read them all. Thanks for kind words and if you asked me a question the answer is yes unless a no is required :P_

_-Snoring Tiger_


	88. Chapter 88

**88. Use him as a suit of armour.**

"Edward Elric~" Ling called to Edward from his place on the window sill of the boy's dormitory. Alphonse looked up in shock to see the Xingese prince there but Edward was used to it now.

"Ling, what are you doing here?" Alphonse asked with curiosity, Edward asked with annoyance.

"Food~" Ling jumped from the window ledge and literally skipped over to the fridge before hugging it in an embrace.

"Ling?" Alphonse asked. Edward got up from his seat and peeled Ling away from the freezing appliance, making Ling pout.

"You always take our food, get your own damnit!" Edward shouted at the black haired teen. Ling opened his eyes to blink at Edward's words before shutting them again.

"But-"

"No buts! We hardly have enough food as it is between the two of us!" Edward continued. Ling turned to face Al.

"It's true, brother eats for two people," Alphonse told the prince.

"But I want food," Ling pouted. Edward let go of Ling (he was grasping him by the shoulders) and thought for a minute.

"Okay, we'll have a duel," Edward declared, "Wait, make that a joust. So find yourself a horse and armour and those long sword pointy things, what are they called?"

"Lance," Alphonse injected.

"Right, and buy a lance too and whoever wins gets all the food in our fridge," Edward offered his hand to Ling. "We got a deal?"

Ling considered his offer for a few seconds before shaking the boy's hand. Ling then rolled across the carpet and jumped out of the window.

"Brother, what are you planning?" Alphonse asked once he saw a gleam of mischief in his brother's eyes. Edward turned to grin at the suit of armour.

"Heheh, what he doesn't have is a suit of armour who knows how to fight," Edward snickered. Alphonse was confused for a second before-

"Ugh, fine," Alphonse gave in to his brother's demand.

* * *

Ling (wearing Ancient Xingese armour courtesy of Fu and sitting on an transmuted wooden horse with an engine) and Edward (inside his brother, sitting on a horse identical to Ling's) pointed at each other with their lances.

"Team Elric will crush you to the ground!" Both Elric members cheered, albeit Alphonse less enthusiastically.

"If I have to beat two people I'll take it in stride," Ling seriously replied. Both of them put on their helmets and walked to their own horses. Each of them revved the horse via the handles on it, and then the countdown began.

"Three," Ling began.

"Two," Edward continued.

"One," Alphonse finished.

"GO!" All three of them shouted as they both stepped on the pedal, slamming it into the ground. They were charging at each other at quite a fast pace. Edward and Ling both extended their lances and both stabbed for the helmet.

Alphonse decided to teach his brother about weaknesses in armour.

"Aim for his hip," Alphonse instructed his brother.

"What? With the head I'll get him," Edward complained. Alphonse forcefully moved his arm so the lance was pointing at Ling's right hip.

"Trust me brother."

They both were near charging at each other and then they crossed paths. Ling forcefully stabbed into the space between Alphonse' s head and his neck while the Elrics stabbed at Ling's hip. The Elrics lost their balance slightly from dodging the lance and Ling nearly fell off his horse. They turned the horses around ninety degrees and charged again. This time Edward and Alphonse successfully knocked Ling off his horse with the lance. They jumped off their own horse to see the prince.

"Ha, we beat you!" Edward gloated. Ling pulled himself off the ground and dusted the legs of his armour.

He then charged at the brothers.

Alphonse had seen this coming so he instantly aimed a punch at Ling's stomach, though the prince wasn't affected by it due to the fact that he was in armour.

"Woah, what's happening?" Edward was mildly confused.

"Brother, go along with what I do and just shout insults at Ling if you want to," Alphonse commanded his brother.

"Alright," Edward muttered before shouting, "Cheap moves Ling!"

"Cheap moves have saved my life before," Ling replied while still fastly dodging and landing blows on Alphonse, "Saved my life more than once."

Alphonse extended his leg and tripped over the Xing teen. Ling hesitated for a second, but that was all the time needed for Alphonse to punch Ling in the stomach so he fell to the floor. Now that the fight was over, Edward opened his brother's chest plate and got out of the armour.

"Nice try Ling, but you can't beat me and my brother," Edward called down to Ling.

"Like you could beat a suit of armour anyway," Alphonse joined in, "It's quite awesome being metal."

* * *

_Okay, DO NOT kill me for the last line, I spent all of one lesson today trying to figure out how to end this, but it still doesn't feel right._

_Over five months and eighty eight chapters, this list fic has reached its end. Who even knew that there were eighty eight positive reasons to be a suit of armour? Well now you know, and can take that knowledge with you forever._

_The end would have been sooner but I kept taking breaks so thank you everybody for putting up with my lazy schedule. _

_Lastly, thank you so, so much to all my readers, reviewers and lurkers. If not for you guys, this never would've been my most popular fic and I would've lost the motivation to complete this. Words can't describe how happy I am at all the comments you guys leave. I'm gonna miss talking to some of you so much. _

_Aww, look at me, sniffling with a tear in my eye at the end._

_-Snoring Tiger_


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